“If a child feels privileged to go, understands what is being done, and knows how to behave. . .he or she will be hooked on high culture [corporate worship] for life.” –Miss Manners

Children in Church: Nurturing Hearts of Worship by Curt and Sandra Lovelace will be released by Great Waters Press in January 2013. www.ChildrenInChurch.com
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I confess. My children pay me for permission to use the bathroom during worship. A few years ago, I invented this system to minimize frivolous exits: I take them to the restroom before worship begins, and then each child receives the promise of two pieces of candy after the service. If he leaves to use the bathroom, he forfeits one candy. If he has an accident in his pants, he forfeits both.

On Sundays, I’m the single mom of three young children (my husband is in the pulpit,) and I’m always thankful for creative ideas to make church time smoother. So Curt and Sandra Lovelace’s new book, Children in Church: Nurturing Hearts of Worship, was a welcome read.

Children in Church makes a case for including children in corporate worship while also providing practical suggestions for parenting in the pew.

The book is primarily addressed to Christian parents who are considering the choice to worship as a family. (The authors also include an appendix directed to church leaders.) Their tone is warm and informal, and the book reads like a conversation with Grandpa: lots of personal stories from 43 years of family life to illustrate nuggets of wise advice.

Children in Church is less theological thesis than it is toolbox, but the Lovelaces do spend the entire first chapter assembling a biblical case for welcoming children in church.

They quote extensively from the Scriptures, beginning with Old Testament accounts of covenant renewal and public readings of the law. They also cite passages highlighting Christ’s inclusion of children and the assumption of children’s presence in the New Testament epistles. 

Along with the biblical evidence, they give a thesis: “families need to be prepared to enrich the worshipping body of Christ, and the worshipping community should be prepared to incorporate families. When these two aspects are in place, they foster a spirit and life yielded to God in each member and contribute to the true gospel message being displayed as a ‘light on a hill.’” (p. 4)

The rest of their 159-page book helpfully and practically addresses the issues parents should consider before bringing their children into worship, how parents should nurture their children during worship, and what response families can make when they are opposed in this decision.

One of the chief virtues of this book is the way it uses simple examples and tools, making whole-family worship seem doable. The Lovelaces are well-qualified with two adult daughters and decades of ministry experience both in the US and abroad, and, in their writing, they offer pew-tested resources for kids of all ages.

Two of my favorites are “one way to help maintain focus during the reading of the announcements is to ask the children to listen for anything that might include the family” and “cars, even plastic ones, are not appropriate because they require sound effects.” (p.98, 76)

One warning: if you strongly believe children should not bring entertaining objects with them to worship, you may not like the practical suggestions. But if that’s your position, you probably don’t need this book to convince you to bring your kids to church in the first place.

I applaud the authors for their realism about the marathon nature of training children to benefit from corporate worship. For example, I could immediately relate to the anecdote of a mom weeping on the car ride home from church: “’I’m never going to get to hear another whole sermon as long as I live.’”

The authors fully acknowledge the necessity of counting the cost before embarking on this project, which gives authenticity to their detailed advice.

As I read, I would have liked to see extended discussion of a few issues.  First, the book needs more specific explanation of how family worship in the home can prepare children for public worship.

Also, it could use some nuts-and-bolts advice for those who are beginning pew-training later in their children’s lives. What should parents do if they come to a conviction of whole-family worship when their kids are not malleable nursing infants but opinionated seven-year-olds, already happy with snacks and puppet shows on Sunday mornings?

I am thankful that they do address important topics like prayerful preparation, parental agreement on discipline during worship, and communicating expectations realistic for each child’s unique maturity.

Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior may not at first seem to be much of a manual for whole-family corporate worship. However, Miss Manners’ advice for taking children to the opera could be easily adapted to the topic:

“Children do not have innately rotten taste, but put up with children’s entertainment [children’s church] only because they have never been allowed to view anything more interesting [meaningful]. . .If a child feels privileged to go, understands what is being done, and knows how to behave. . .he or she will be hooked on high culture [corporate worship] for life.” (p.625-26)

This is actually an excellent summary of what Curt and Sandra Lovelace’s book helpfully explains.

My main criticism of Children in Church is that it neglects an important question: What is a child’s purpose in worship?

In order for families to have a passion for the difficult journey set before them, they need at least a glimpse of its grace-filled goal.

Ultimately, we bring children to church because children are humans and worship is vital for humans.

Those Bible texts about children’s inclusion are only the beginning. For example, the Lovelaces cite Matthew 19:14 as evidence that Jesus wanted children brought to Him. Good.  But their Scripture quote reads, “’Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them.’” (p. 13)

Where’s the rest?

They abbreviate and don’t include Jesus’ reason: “’for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’”

That’s the glorious vision beleaguered parents in the pew sorely need. (Take it from someone who spends the 11 o’clock hour on Sundays covered in ball-point ink, crumpled bulletins, and squirming preschoolers.)

Whole-family worship is not merely family bonding time or even acculturation into family religious traditions.

Moms and Dads with wiggly and whispery little ones need to know that God often uses the elements of worship to grant saving faith to His worshippers, no matter their age. Of such is the kingdom.

Children in Church doesn’t make grand theological argument. And, though I think a few foundational paragraphs would have been beneficial, its real value lies in its practical suggestions.

The best of these fatherly encouragements is the reminder that parental attitudes usually carry the Sunday: “since parents are the leaders, we are the ones who show the way by growing personally in patience, submission, obedience, and sacrificial behavior . . . before our Holy God.” (p. 91) 

After years in church, I can attest to seeing this in family after family. Especially for young children, their parents’ behavior in worship sets the standard for their own. Aloof and distracted parents nurture aloof and distracted children.

But when Mommy and Daddy truly believe that corporate worship is a precious gift, that meeting with God is neither casual nor optional, their children will almost always follow suit.

It’s obvious that Curt and Sandra Lovelace have a passion for whole-family worship. I pray the practical helps outlined in their book will make it easier for other families to share this vision.

Megan Hill is a PCA pastor’s wife and regular contributor to The Aquila Report. She and her mother write Sunday Women, a blog about ministry life.

@Copyright 2012 Megan Evans Hill – used with permission