When other Christians cause us pain, we can be tempted to think, I love Jesus, I just don’t want anything to do with the church. But Jesus is not a brideless groom. His bride is the church, and he has called every believer to be a part of her and to fiercely love her because he loves her.

Abstract

Katie Decker is a pastor’s wife who offers encouraging exhortations to other pastors’ wives based on the truths of Scripture and her own struggles during difficult seasons of ministry. She points pastors’ wives to God’s grace and faithfulness, and she reminds them of Christ’s love for the church despite its sins and weaknesses.

For fifteen years I have held a position that doesn’t have an official title, a job description, or a definitive role. I’m a pastor’s wife. I’ve found being alongside my husband in ministry to be simultaneously a beautiful privilege and an incredible burden.

My husband began formal ministry at twenty-three years old, just months before we were married. We had big dreams for how the Lord might use our family, but none of those dreams included a long journey through the school of suffering. We never wanted a megachurch. We thought ministry would look a lot more like committing to an ordinary means of grace ministry and then trying to be faithful for a long time. The Lord had other plans.

Of course, we wept with friends in ministry who told stories of the deep sorrow caused by persistent, unrepentant sin among church members, but in our naivety, we thought the Lord would tell a different story through us.

In the School of Suffering

Fast forward ten years, and it felt like ministry was out to get us. All those stories we’d heard from others were becoming our reality. I watched as my fun-loving, tenderhearted husband grew exhausted and took on a solemn look of defeat. I spent hours praying for the Lord to sustain us in those hard days. During every sermon he preached, I prayed for clear thinking, clear communication, and Spirit-filled encouragement, despite the sleepless nights. And I watched in awe as God continued to give my husband favor in the pulpit. But I also watched as his shoulders were visibly saddled with the overwhelming weight of ministry as he made his way back to the pew after each sermon. We were sinking together under the burden.

As God always does, he used that season in our lives to sanctify and teach us. He sustained our marriage, our children, and our souls, even when it felt like the sea of suffering was crashing in on us. But when we finally packed up our house and moved to a new area, it took years for me to see how truly broken I was.

On our last Sunday at that little church, I wept as the congregation around me sang, “When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, ‘It is well, it is well with my soul.’” I wept for the agony we had endured, for the sin we had seen, for the dreams that were dying before my eyes. I wept for my own loss of sweet friends I would no longer worship alongside weekly; for the beauty of what God had accomplished in the lives of these precious ones through his Word; and for the many wonderful saints who ached at our departure. I didn’t understand why we had to walk away from our dreams of a healthy church in this city; I didn’t understand why we had to say goodbye.

I had long been learning in this school of suffering, and I felt like I was ready to graduate.

Blessed While Walking with a Limp

Because our God is so incredibly faithful, he continues to teach me through the painful process of healing. He is too good to waste even an ounce of our suffering. Like Jacob, who wrestled with the Lord, I have begged of him a blessing through the pain, and I have gleaned more than I could have asked for or imagined. But I now walk with a limp.

Read More