“Hidden Figures” is one of the best books that I’ve read in a long time. It combines history, science, and some of the most inspiring women you could ever meet. I was so proud of Dorothy, Katherine, and Mary and the strides they made as scientists and black women during an era that discriminated against them as African Americans and women.

I could not help but think about the women scientists in my family who immigrated to North America. Their circumstances were different from the women in the book, but there were strong similarities. In fields dominated by white men, they worked hard to get an education and jobs in their respective fields with the goal of making life better for their families here and back home. It wasn’t about pursuing self-actualization but to help as many of the extended family as possible to immigrate. I am very proud of my parents and aunts and uncles. But it hit me recently that it took “Hidden Figures” to make me realize that I did not have to be ashamed of being proud of my working scientist mom.

When I was starting out as an undergrad engineer, I was proud of my mom’s professional achievements, but something changed over the years. I eventually married and became a SAHM, homeschooling mom. Through the transition, there was a definite vibe from the books I read and from my female friends. Women were to stay at home and to think otherwise was to be self-centered and believe “feminist” lies.  If this was true, what should I think of my mom? Was she being selfish the whole time?

I want to reiterate that the problem is not that wives and mothers stay at home. If this is God’s providence for you, wonderful. But the problem is the blanket assumption that all women must stay at home and to do otherwise is disobedience to God. You may think this is the extreme, but this attitude is still prevalent. There is a kinder, gentler version that allows for exceptions in the case of financial need. But one popular author wrote that it would be better for the family to go bankrupt rather than have a woman step out of her proper place.

I was even approached by someone who asked me to mentor a younger Asian-American woman to specifically encourage her to quit her job and stay home. I refused because of time constraints, but I was very uncomfortable going to a complete stranger and telling her family how they needed to structure their finances. Frankly, it was none of my business, but my guess is that in the mind of the person who made this request, it was fulfilling Titus 2. Was this an attempt at unconscious assimilation? Well, I think it is relevant that the request was made from a non-Asian.

I want to be very clear that my objections are against culturally-driven ideals about women that are being imposed as biblical, not against my local church. In fact, I am so thankful that the goal of our women’s ministry is to know the Word and apply it as the Holy Spirit sees fit, not Christian subculture conformity.  I’ve also recently begun to dig into the history of Asian immigration beyond my family. I am just sorry it took this long for me to realize there is no shame in the immigrant experience. My mom was not selfish. She was not a feminist. She did what countless of immigrants did, but their voices seem to have been left out when it comes to the ideal Christian woman.

Which leads to the questions:

• Is it God’s will for all believers to live on a single income? Then is the amount of one’s income a prerequisite for godliness?
• If a family does not live on a single income, is it their fault? But what about God’s providence?
• Is this possible for all believers across time and culture?