There are two sides to weeping with those who weep. First, there must be brothers and sisters in Christ who are ready to listen. And second, the one who grieves must be ready to allow some brothers or sisters into their sorrow.

It is hard to talk about loss. And it can be hard to listen when a person speaks about grief. But God has called His people to grieve together.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep (Rom. 12:15).

Lamentations gives us a picture of what it means for grieving people to speak and for others to listen. The entire book is a sustained outpouring of sorrow in which the painful details of all that has happened, and all that was lost, are poured out again and again.

If you read Lamentations from beginning to end, you will be struck by the repetition. Grief is like that. It is not linear. It circles back over the same ground. Every detail of what has happened is rehearsed.

A grieving person will often want to talk about the smallest detail of their loss. Imagine a priceless vase or ornament that is dropped on the floor and smashed to pieces. The woman who loved it kneels down and picks up the pieces one by one. She looks at each one in detail, turning it around, as if to remember where it once belonged. When you listen to a grieving person, you may feel that the detail they are telling you is small. But it is part of something supremely valued and dearly loved.

Be Quick to Listen!

Donald Howard writes on the importance of listening to those who grieve:

Let the bereaved speak. Statements such as ‘You must often think of the time when you did such and such together…’ are ways of initiating discussion.1

In reality, the opposite often happens. A widow is talking with friends and one of them remembers a funny story about her husband. But he holds back from telling it out of consideration for the widow. Had he told the story, the widow would probably have laughed; perhaps there would have been a tear in her eyes, but she would have thought it wonderful that her husband was still remembered.

Those who grieve wonder: Does anyone else remember? Does anyone else care? So, don’t be afraid to speak about someone who has died to a person who loves them. You can bring comfort to a grieving person by helping to keep the memory of their loved one alive.

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