“If policy makers are concerned about poverty, crime, child well-being, rising economic inequality, and the fiscal limits of the contemporary welfare state, they should recognize that the nation’s retreat from marriage is closely connected to all of these issues.”

“Talking about family is sort of like talking about the weather … . Today it is beautiful, but sometimes it hurts,” quips Dr. John Cox. As a psychologist in Jackson, Miss., Cox, who is a deacon at First Presbyterian Church, sees the best and worst of family scenarios in his clinical practice. God has given all of us a desire to belong, he says. For many, that craving is satisfied by family. But when it’s not, some can reject the idea of family entirely. “The family as God intended it was perfect, but in its fallen state, the family [or lack thereof] can be a source of pain for many people,” explains Cox. As Christians, how do we make sense of what family should be? As fractured as families are in America, is there still hope for the nuclear family?

A Family Picture

The American family picture looks dramatically different than it did 50 years ago, says a 2010 Pew Research Center report. “Decades of demographic, economic, and social change have transformed the structure and composition of the American family. The preeminent family unit of the mid-20th century—mom, dad, and the kids—no longer has the stage to itself. A variety of new arrangements have emerged, giving rise to a broader and evolving definition of what constitutes a family … .”

The report continues, “At the center of this transformation is the shrinking institution of marriage. In 1960, 72 percent of American adults were married. By 2008, that figure had fallen to 52 percent.”

Despite this decline in marriage, Americans are still overwhelmingly positive toward the idea of family. The report shows that 76 percent of all adults say their family is the most important element of their life; 75 percent say they are very satisfied with their family life. While many Americans are ambivalent about marriage as an institution, most still want to get married. Pew reports that the youngest generation has the strongest desire to marry: “Nearly seven in 10 unmarried 18- to 29-year-olds say they want to get married.” And among those under 30, 76 percent of those who do not have children hope to have them in the future.

According to these statistics, Americans seem to value the family, and embrace the idea of marriage and children. Yet, another snapshot reveals a less idyllic scene.

A Dangerous Alternative

As marriages become less frequent and occur later in life, there’s been an increase in cohabitation, or “living together,” reports a study by the Institute for American Values and the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. In fact, cohabitation has increased 14-fold since 1970. Today’s children are much more likely to spend time in a cohabiting household than to see their parents divorce, the study reports. W. Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project, told National Review, “This is bad news because children in cohabitating relationships are more likely to do poorly in school, to use drugs, to have emotional problems, and to be abused, compared with children in intact, married families.”

Rich Lowry of National Review, citing the study, summarizes: “There is simply no substitute for marriage, for the relative stability and commitment it provides, and for the environment it creates for children … . Cohabiting couples with a child are more than twice as likely to break up as married parents. Only 24 percent of children of married parents experience a change in the relationship status of their mothers by age 12. The figure for the children of cohabiting couples is 65 percent.”

God’s Design for the Family

The Rev. Ray Cortese, senior pastor of Seven Rivers Presbyterian Church in Citrus County, Fla., suggests there’s a reason that cohabitation is not good for families—God created marriage to be the foundation of all human life and flourishing. He describes the origins of this foundational relationship in a recent sermon:

“The Bible is startling in Genesis chapter two … . In the first words of the Bible, we have benediction seven times—it was good, and it was good, and it was very good. All of a sudden, it was not good … . If something’s not good in paradise, it’s startling. Not only is it in paradise that something is declared not good, but Adam has everything. Adam has God. Even with God, He made us for human relationship; He made us to connect with each other. Something is absent in us if it is not met in friendship, or marriage, or human relationship … .”

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