Parents of prodigals need to drink from the wellspring of gospel grace since they often have a real or perceived sense of unspoken judgment from others that they are at least partially to blame for their child’s waywardness.

Whether you’re aware of it or not, there is silent pain and secret shame in your church. Cheerful greetings are exchanged each Sunday morning. The “How are you?” greeting is politely met with “Fine” or the more daring “I’ve been better,” hoping the inquirer will not delve any deeper. But underneath some of these “all-is-well” responses are hearts that are crushed and about to break due to overwhelming pain and shame. The cause of both is prodigal children.

It’s sad but true that parents of prodigals usually suffer alone. Think about it. What Christian parent wants to advertise their son’s or daughter’s temporary departure from godliness or their official renouncing of Christ? Not one. Every sincere parent who deeply loves their child doesn’t want to do anything that might make it more difficult for their prodigal to humbly return to God’s fold. So parents bear the burden of their grief alone. Add even more weight to the parent who is also a leader in the church, and the escalating pressure of living in a fishbowl can lead some to a breaking point. Limping along in silent agony seems like a better, safer option.

How can we help these parents? We need to break the silence in our churches and surround hurting parents with loving community, as well as minister gospel hope to hearts that are tempted to become overwhelmed by feelings of shame.

Break the Silence through Vulnerability, Loving Community, and Prayer

The apostle John confesses that he finds “no greater joy than to hear that [his] children are walking in the truth” (3 John 4). But the opposite is true as well. Though the context of this verse pertains to spiritual children in the church, Christian parents know there is no greater sorrow than knowing their children are playing with sin or have already decisively walked away from Christ. Mixed with their sorrow is fear over the consequences their children will suffer from sinful choices. These parents need others to help carry their heavy burden. This requires a certain level of vulnerability, which grows out of the humility that God aims to develop in each of us.

We must remember the connection between our humility and God’s empowerment. Scripture consistently teaches that God progressively gives more grace to the humble (Prov. 3:34; Phil. 2:5-9; 1 Pet. 5:5-6; James 4:6). But the display of this posture of heart can be particularly difficult for parents of prodigals. Therefore, a gentle prompt from a church counselor or shepherd may be necessary to move the hurting parent to confide in one or two trustworthy, spiritually-mature believers. Direct them to biblical examples of vulnerability, reminding them that God’s grace empowers them in weakness (Rom. 7:23-24; 2 Cor. 2:3-4; 4:7; 11:27-30; 12:9-10; 13:4; James 5:16). This humble vulnerability will pave the way to the development of loving community and devotion to prayer (Col. 4:2). Together we must learn to “rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer” (Rom. 12:12). The church body functions to its fullest when God’s chosen ones clothe themselves in humility, which opens the door to gentleness and expressions of compassion (Col. 3:12).

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