Truly loving another person means forgetting yourself long enough to pay attention to his or her section of the universe. Look at that planet! Look at that solar system! There’s always self-sacrifice at the beginning of love: you have to stop thinking about your own planetary system long enough to take notice of the other person’s. 

Self-Love vs. Real Love

I remember a junior high science teacher telling our class that, were an astronaut to sit somehow on the surface of a black hole and try to signal his spaceship with a flashlight, the black hole would suck the light of the flashlight back into itself. That’s pretty powerful. Likewise, the fallen human being will suck the entire universe into him- or herself for the celebration of his or her own glory. The self is its own greatest love. It’s true that, by God’s common grace, even the worst of sinners love their children and friends and spouses. But apart from the restraints of God’s grace, they and we will ultimately exploit those we love for our own gain. We will suck them in, even as Eve sucked in Adam and Cain sucked in Abel. Augustine described the sinful nature as a soul curving in on itself.

This universe of self-love is collapsing in on itself. It’s like a black hole that shrinks itself into a smaller and smaller space. It’s selfish, self-consumed, self-obsessed. It’s about me, me, me.
Selfish love always looks like gain, but it always yields loss.

Truly loving another person means forgetting yourself long enough to pay attention to his or her section of the universe. Look at that planet! Look at that solar system! There’s always self-sacrifice at the beginning of love: you have to stop thinking about your own planetary system long enough to take notice of the other person’s. But as you do, your universe grows; it’s like discovering another star you hadn’t seen before.

Read More. This article is adapted from The Rule of Love: How the Local Church Should Reflect God’s Love and Authority by Jonathan Leeman; used with permission.