Homosexual Christians do not deserve the “right” to romantically love whoever they want, just as heterosexual Christians do not deserve the “right” to romantically love whoever they want. All our rights are taken away in exchange for one right that far surpasses any worldly sins we cling to: The right to be called children of God in this life and in eternity.

James Baldwin said, “Everybody’s journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality.” Baldwin, along with most Americans believes that homosexuality is a morally valid choice.^[1]

I won’t pretend to know whether or not homosexuality is an issue of nature or nurture.  I also don’t think that is the paramount question. When deciding where you stand on the issue of homosexuality the chief question boils down to: do we have the right to love who we want to? Be careful how you answer this because your answer to this question may affect you as much as it affects a homosexual person.

Scripture’s ultimate answer is an outstanding “No!” We do not have the “right” to chose who we love; rather, God shows us. The simple answer is that we are commanded to love everyone.^[2] But the directives become even more specific when it comes to particular kinds of love.

In society we are called to love our:

(unchosen) neighbor,^[3]
the poor and needy,^[4]
and even our enemies.^[5]

In the family we are called to love our:

(unchosen) parents,^[6]
our (unchosen) children,^[7]
our (unchosen) siblings,^[8]
and our spouses.^[9]

The last command, to love one’s spouse, may be the most difficult because it is the only one that involves romantic and sexual love. But all of these commands set up the prototype for what love is. Love is not primarily about a feeling, following one’s heart, or something you fall into. It is a steady, constant, faithful decision. Love is something God gives us (despite our unlovable-ness) and which we must pass on -in the appropriate forms- to other unlovable people. We must chose to love, but most of the time we can’t chose who to love- despite our feelings.

When Paul tells the Ephesians to love their spouses, he was most likely talking to a group of people who did not chose their partners. Most of their marriages were likely arranged by their parents or would be arranged at some point in their lives. Paul does not exhort people to follow their heart or attractions in choosing who they love, he tells them to love their, unchosen, spouse.

While most of us have more choice in regards to a spouse, the command remains the same- we are to love despite feelings, attractions, etc. We are to love romantically who God tells us to love. And God only tells us to love one person romantically/sexually: our spouse. My options are extremely limited; I am to romantically love William Painter Green IV, only! A single person’s options are even more limited: they are not to love anyone sexually. If we live in a society and age that can choose and if our calling is not to be single, God provides guidelines to help us chose who to love and flourish in that love:

A man should not romantically love or marry more than one woman.^[10]
A married woman should not romantically love her co-worker.
A single man should not romantically love a married woman.^[11]
A person who struggles with pedophilia should not romantically love a child.^[12]
A brother should not romantically love his sister.^[13]
A human should not romantically love another species.^[14]
A man should not sexually love pornographic or virtual images.^[15]
A single woman should not begin romantically loving a man who is not a Christian.^[16]
A man should not sexually love his girlfriend, or any woman, before they are married.^[17]
A woman should not divorce or stop romantically loving her aging, unattractive, husband.^[18]
A man should not romantically or sexually love a woman if it is unwanted love.^[19]
A homosexual woman should not romantically love another woman.^[20]

These are not easy commands, but they are life-giving. It’s not easy to fight the desire for someone else’s spouse, an attractive co-worker, pornography, or a same-sex attraction. Neither is it always easy to promote a desire and love for one’s spouse. But if we don’t accept and follow what God teaches us as the way to live spiritually and sexually pure lives we only hurt ourselves, others, and our Creator. James 1:14-15 tells us, “Each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” Conversely, when we do allow God to direct our romantic and sexual lives, more often than not an abundance of blessings follow. We should love our spouses because we want to obey God, not because we will get something in return. But, when we do obey God in this way, we often do find unique joy and feelings of love that we may not have thought possible!

Homosexual Christians do not deserve the “right” to romantically love whoever they want, just as heterosexual Christians do not deserve the “right” to romantically love whoever they want. All our rights are taken away in exchange for one right that far surpasses any worldly sins we cling to: The right to be called children of God in this life and in eternity.

Amber Green is a stay at home mom from DeMotte, Indiana and attends Community Christian Reformed Church with her husband William. They have one daughter and are expecting a second child  in April.