“Many pressures we face as parents have more to do with us than they do with our kids. Of course we love our children and want what is best for them, but underneath some of the choices we make, and the pressures we give into without really putting any thought into them, are driven somewhat by how it will reflect on us.”

From the first time I became a parent eight-and-a-half years ago, with three more little ones to follow, one thing has remained the same: There is immense pressure to keep up with the unrealistic and often unhealthy expectations that we, as parents, put on ourselves and feel from others. Some of these pressures have always been a part of the parenting journey, but there continues to be more and more pressure bombarding parents today.

Nine Parenting Pressures

Here are a few of the pressures I have seen in my own parenting experience, as well as those that I have observed:

1. My child must be in structured activities, early childhood education, and sports by the earliest age possible if they are going to be successful and able to keep up with other kids their age.

2. My child must be entertained at all times, especially if I need them to be quiet or want them to be happy. Entertainment might include going to the toddler movie and popcorn time at the movie theater, needing creative crafts and activities at their immediate disposal, having the latest gadget that all the kids are talking about, and being technologically savvy and entertained by the computer, TV, iPad, phone, and video games.

3. My child must be well-mannered, self-controlled, and obedient at all times in public (especially in church), or I must be doing something wrong as a parent.

4. My child must excel at something to keep up with all the other baby geniuses. Otherwise I might just have an “average” child.

5. My child will be disadvantaged if my husband and I both don’t work, in order to provide the best for them.

6. If my child isn’t reading by the age of four, I must have done something wrong (I didn’t play them music in the womb, show them Baby Einstein videos through infancy, or provide an intellectually stimulating environment for them).

7. If I have no choice but to work, I am not as good of a mom as those who stay home. Or, if I have the blessing of staying home with my children, I am not contributing or helping the family and am wasting my gifts and talents.

8. My child must begin a sport or cultural arts activity by the earliest age possible or they won’t be able to compete with their peers. He or she needs to play on a traveling team, even if requires all of our time, energy, and money, in order that we provide the best opportunities for them.

9. My child must be ________: homeschooled, in private education, or in the public school system; vaccinated or not vaccinated; fed organic food or not; the list goes on.

I think it’s safe to say that many parents today can relate to many, if not all, of these pressures. Of course, not all of these are bad within themselves (a little TV time, a library story time, a sports camp, crafts to do at home, etc.), but they can subtly plant lies in our heads and create overwhelming expectations that are not in line with what God desires for us as parents. Unfortunately, these pressures can suck the joy, contentment, simplicity, and sweetness out of raising the children we have been blessed to raise.

Serving God through Parenting

So how do we, as Christian parents, fight against all that bombards, distracts, and deceives us from honoring Christ as the central focus of our family?

But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord. (Joshua 24:15)

First, we need to ask ourselves, “Who or what am I serving?”

Am I serving Christ by the way I spend my time, money, and abilities, or am I striving to please and live up to what is acceptable and seemingly necessary in the eyes of the world? If the gospel is the central focus of our home, it will help us evaluate and bring clarity to the pressures we face with truth, rather than the cultural standard.

Second, we need to ask the Holy Spirit to help us recognize pressures we are putting on ourselves out of pride.

The reality is, if my child excels in some area, I will feel proud — partly because I am proud of them and excited for them but partly because I feel pretty good about the fact that I must have passed on some good genes or done something right to bring about such success. That’s never easy to admit but, for anyone who recognizes the sin that lurks within them, it’s not hard to see the pride that is often hiding beneath the surface.

Many pressures we face as parents have more to do with us than they do with our kids. Of course we love our children and want what is best for them, but underneath some of the choices we make, and the pressures we give into without really putting any thought into them, are driven somewhat by how it will reflect on us.

Pride, of course, is not something we deal with once and for all. It’s a battle we will wage until we are free from these fallen bodies. However, it’s critical that we recognize where we are tempted to be driven by pride in our parenting.

Are we screaming at our kids on the way to church but then smiling and speaking tenderly to them as soon as we reach the church doors? (I’ve been guilty of this!) Do you find yourself bribing your child in the grocery store, pleading with them to stop screaming so you don’t feel the shameful looks of others? (Yep, guilty of this one too!).

If I kept listing examples, I would probably be guilty of every single one of them at some point. But this is the beauty of the gospel. You and I are not perfect parents, and we never will be. But Jesus Christ lived the life we never will be able to and covered all our nasty pride with his shed blood on the cross. When we bring these things to him, in humility and repentance, he promises to forgive us, while shaping us more into his image.

As we face the inevitable pressures of parenting, the best place to start is prayer. We can ask Christ to help us see the pressures we face through his eyes, to discern what he values and, to give us wisdom and strength to make each decision for our family in a way that most honors him.

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