I am always amazed at how much influence she has over me, or should I say, how much power I have given her. There is only one remedy, and that is to abide in Christ who offers the real fulfillment I am seeking: to look upon true beauty. My desires must change for her to lose power, and, through the Spirit’s work, that change has already begun. I know this because never before have I been so aware of the deceit behind her smile, but being aware and resisting are two different things. There is much more to say about her and even more to say about our great Deliverer, but she is here again, giving me that look.
She stopped by again today and gave me one of those looks. The beauty of her face set against the backdrop of the tumultuous sky promised me peace. It was soft and gentle. It was like she was telling me, “I know life is not perfect, and I can help.” There was a grace in the whole thing that spun my world with confusion.
The power she wielded over me was devastating. She continued to promise relief, but I have spent time with her on more than one occasion. She keeps telling me to trust her, that she can soothe the discontent I am feeling. I reminded her that every time previously, her relief has only been temporary and that she always leaves me more troubled than before. Her response to this has always been the same, “Just one more time, and you can send me away for good.”
Either I go with her and enter the vicious cycle once again, or I resist and find myself with an unquenched thirst that leaves me feeling worse than before she showed up. When I resist her, she plays upon my fears: as if somehow I am missing out or failing to take care of myself. Many times she has told me, “this is what life is about, and you are not living it to the fullest.”