Everything and everyone will face death. Every piece of nature dies. Every human, flora, and fauna dies. This world is full of death and decay. Because of sin, death is the end for every living thing. Despite the beauty that exists, despite the fact that God brings life from decay, everything we see and experience here on earth is temporary and passing. Maybe some of it is that it is the land of the living for those who do not know Jesus.

I have spent a lot of time over the last three years wrestling with God and his word, trying to reconcile pieces of God’s word that I know are true but have felt hard to believe. I know that when I question God, it is I who am in the wrong. It is I who have misapplied or misunderstood Scripture. Difficulty ensues when I know that I am wrong, but I cannot understand my error. When my experiences seem to be at odds with what God’s word says, I know that God’s word has the final authority. When my experiences feel different than God’s truth, I must wrestle to submit my heart to what is true, even when it doesn’t feel true. If I’m honest, it is hard at times to find peace in these spaces.

A piece of truth that has helped me reconcile God’s promises with my own experiences has been shifting the lens through which I view his promises: they are always true for my soul and sometimes true for my body. I have also begun to realize that I often have had far too short of a view of what God’s word intends.

When my son was battling cancer, there were a few key verses that I grabbed on to and fought to believe. Psalm 27:13-14 was one of those verses; “I believe I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage.”

I have always assumed “the land of the living” meant this earth. This verse has always encouraged me to see God at work today. I have assumed this earth is where we live so God’s goodness is seen in this life; the land of the living.

As I watched my son lose his battle with cancer, I began to wrestle with the concept of the land of the living. I struggled to reconcile the goodness of the Lord. I had believed with all faith that I would see the goodness of the Lord here on earth with good defined as healing for my son. I waited for the Lord. I let my heart take courage to see the goodness of the Lord (according to my definition of good) and when God didn’t respond as I thought he would, I was left confused and hurt.

As I have chewed on this verse for three years now, I think a piece I am realizing is that, once again, I had far too short a view of what God intends in his word. I assumed that this earth was the land of the living and I would see God’s goodness here.

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