The Aquila Report

Your independent source for news and commentary from and about conservative, orthodox evangelicals in the Reformed and Presbyterian family of churches

Coram Deo Conference - click for details
  • Biblical
    and Theological
  • Churches
    and Ministries
  • People
    in the News
  • World
    and Life News
  • Lifestyle
    and Reviews
    • Books
    • Movies
    • Music
  • Opinion
    and Commentary
  • General Assembly
    and Synod Reports
    • ARP General Synod
    • EPC General Assembly
    • OPC General Assembly
    • PCA General Assembly
    • PCUSA General Assembly
    • RPCNA Synod
    • URCNA Synod
  • Subscribe
    to Weekly Email
  • Biblical
    and Theological
  • Churches
    and Ministries
  • People
    in the News
  • World
    and Life News
  • Lifestyle
    and Reviews
    • Books
    • Movies
    • Music
  • Opinion
    and Commentary
  • General Assembly
    and Synod Reports
    • ARP General Synod
    • EPC General Assembly
    • OPC General Assembly
    • PCA General Assembly
    • PCUSA General Assembly
    • RPCNA Synod
    • URCNA Synod
  • Subscribe
    to Weekly Email
  • Search
Home/Biblical and Theological/The Irony of Holding a Grudge

The Irony of Holding a Grudge

When we think we are executing some kind of justice by holding a grudge, we actually harm ourselves more than we harm the object of our disdain.

Written by K.V. Paxton | Thursday, February 14, 2019

Sure, obtaining “justice” might not always look the same, depending on your personality, but typically it looks like lashing out, ignoring the other person, avoiding eye-contact, walking the other way when you see them, and having imagery debates in your head. We’ve tricked ourselves into thinking there is freedom in that. They have to pay, don’t they?

 

Isn’t holding a grudge just the best? Someone has wronged us, wounded us, irritated us, infuriated us, etc., and they deserve some kind of retribution. They can’t get away with that, can they? They need to know that they’ve angered you, and you will make sure they know.

Sure, obtaining “justice” might not always look the same, depending on your personality, but typically it looks like lashing out, ignoring the other person, avoiding eye-contact, walking the other way when you see them, and having imagery debates in your head.

We’ve tricked ourselves into thinking there is freedom in that. They have to pay, don’t they? It feels good to “show them” through subtle actions and biting words that they’ve done something we don’t like. Holding a grudge, after all, is our default mode when wronged.

Putting aside for a moment the graceless and gospel-less problems in holding a grudge, we will actually find, ironically, that the one who is harmed when we hold a grudge is not the one we are holding the grudge against. Rather, when we think we are executing some kind of justice by holding a grudge, we actually harm ourselves more than we harm the object of our disdain (again, set aside the massive problems in wanting someone to be “harmed” for a moment).

We all know this verse in Ephesians 4:26 from the Apostle Paul, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” But what about what comes after that?

“…and give no opportunity to the devil.” What does holding on to our anger and grudges do? It opens us up to all kinds of temptations and sin. Holding a grudge never ever results in what we think it will. Instead of harming the other person, it harms our own souls and opens us up to sin. Ironic, isn’t it?

We want to harm others, but we end up harming ourselves. But let us also think about the gospel implications involved here that we set aside a moment ago.

Recall to your mind the “Parable of the Unforgiving Servant” told by Jesus in Matthew 18 in response to Peter asking the question “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus responds, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.” In other words, “Stop keeping score!”

Read More

Related Posts:

  • Holding On
  • The Truth About Tough Love
  • Christian, God is Holding You
  • Let Us Become Like Little Children
  • Let’s Not Bemoan a World That Doesn’t Think the Way…

Subscribe to Free “Top 10 Stories” Email

Get the top 10 stories from The Aquila Report in your inbox every Tuesday morning.

Name(Required)

Archives

Subscribe, Follow, Listen

  • email-alt
  • facebook
  • twitter
  • apple-podcasts
  • anchor
Belhaven University
Coram Deo Conference - click for details

Books

Tool Small by Craig Biehl - Why Atheists Can't Know What They Say They Know
Plumbing the Depths of Darkness - click for details
Disciplines of a Godly Man - by R. Kent Hughes
  • About
  • Advertise Here
  • Contact Us
  • Donate
  • Email Alerts
  • Leadership
  • Letters to the Editor
  • Principles and Practices
  • Privacy Policy

Free Subscription

Aquila Report Email Alerts

Books

The Letter of Jude - book from Tulip Publishing
  • About
  • Advertise Here
  • Contact Us
  • Privacy Policy
  • Principles and Practices
  • RSS Feed
  • Subscribe to Weekly Email Alerts

DISCLAIMER: The Aquila Report is a news and information resource. We welcome commentary from readers; for more information visit our Letters to the Editor link. All our content, including commentary and opinion, is intended to be information for our readers and does not necessarily indicate an endorsement by The Aquila Report or its governing board. In order to provide this website free of charge to our readers,  Aquila Report uses a combination of donations, advertisements and affiliate marketing links to  pay its operating costs.

Return to top of page

Website design by Five More Talents · Copyright © 2026 The Aquila Report · Log in