If God chooses for some to remain single, she argues, that doesn’t mean He intends for them to spend their lives in a state of gloom about it. There are good things that go with singleness as well as with marriage, and those blessings are meant to be used and enjoyed.

Lisa Anderson’s new book, “The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose,” reads like two books in one. The first book isn’t bad, but it’s in the second book that the author really hits her stride, giving us the full benefit of her hard-won wisdom.

Anderson is director of young adults for Focus on the Family and host of its radio program/podcast “The Boundless Show” [Editor’s note: Anderson is a member of Village Seven Presbyterian Church (PCA) in Colorado Springs, Colo.]. She’s also a single woman in her early 40s. This gives her a somewhat unique and very valuable perspective on the young adults she works with, and on what they’re going through. “At forty-three and single, I’m right there with you,” she writes in the introduction to her book. “I don’t have a so-called fairy-tale ending. Quite frankly, I don’t know how my story will end; I only know I’m in the race with you — a few paces ahead, perhaps, but still running.”

Anderson devotes the first part of the book to looking back on her own experiences as a single woman thinking through her attitude on marriage, and trying to navigate the dating scene. Much of what she has to say here is helpful. She acknowledges that, even as someone who hoped and expected to get married one day, she never gave it much serious thought until she started working at Focus, and was challenged on her beliefs about marriage — or lack thereof — by colleagues. Growing up, she recalls, “When I think back to what I learned about marriage, especially in junior high and high school, I hear only crickets. I can’t remember getting a decent narrative about marriage, even though I was in circles of folks who would’ve, if asked, said it was a good thing.”

It’s worth being reminded that marriage — like anything else worth doing — is something to take seriously and plan for, as much as one can. And it’s good that Anderson goes on to give practical tips on planning it and working towards it, including expanding our social circles, getting out there and actually dating instead of just waiting for God to plop someone on our doorstep, and working on our own character so that we’re ready for marriage if and when it happens.

She’s refreshingly straightforward, too, about how Christian culture as well as secular culture have artificially inflated our expectations; many women from her (and my) generation will resonate with her memory of youth group girls being told they were “princesses,” and instructed to make a detailed list of everything they could ever want in a man and then pray over their lists. The unspoken but very effectively communicated (and not very Christian) message was that we were entitled to some sort of a cross between Billy Graham and Brad Pitt, and shouldn’t settle for anything less.

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