Busyness will eventually bury you, whether it’s physically, mentally, or spiritually. In fact, our lack of willingness to slow down will slowly but subtly grow to be the Enemy’s greatest way of deceiving and distracting us from God’s will for our lives.  The devil wants nothing more than to overwhelm our schedules and cause turmoil in our daily rhythms. Because if we’re always on the run, we won’t have time to slow down and be with God.

Excerpt from The Man You’re Meant to Be: A Call of Self-Examination for Every Believer, Hypocrite, and Outsider by John Simons (© 2025). Published by B&H Publishing. Used by permission.

Many men seek help far too late. As a pastor, I sit across the table from men who know every bit of this cycle of loneliness, pain, and shame. Sometimes, they reach out because they’ve hit rock bottom and have no one else to help put things back together. It’s unfortunate, but the majority of the time, they’re also newly separated or divorced after their spouse learned of their sin that was done in the shadows. These conversations are always tough, because they hit home for me. 

I always leave these meetings wondering what could have gone differently. What could have changed, or what steps could have been taken so this wasn’t another story of a collapsing family? The reality is that nothing about the inflicted pain that’s unfolding in that home will remain isolated to just this man across the table or his wife. It’ll fall upon each household member, no matter their age.  

Little do these men understand, on the other side of the table, it was me, as a teenager, who was on the receiving end of this kind of pain. For far too many of my friends who grew up in Orange County, CA, where there’s a revolting 58.8 percent divorce rate, this is just a regular part of life.  Of course, I’m not advocating that the normalcy of divorce doesn’t negate the sharp wounding of such, believe me, it doesn’t. You don’t have to be a sociologist to recognize our current decaying culture and connect it to the breakdown of the American family. There’s an emptiness, loneliness, and waywardness that we’ve not previously seen in our nation’s history, and it impacts every facet of our spiritual condition.  

However, the most challenging part for me now is that I constantly hear the same overarching theme throughout my conversations. I could offer a real-life example with a pseudonym name to help immerse us ourselves in these conversations, but the reality is: I don’t need to. Many of us have lived this story and experienced this exact conversation after a friend (or you) asks to grab a meal and proceeds to describe the following life situation. 

For many years, he put his nose down to the grind and now wholly recognizes that he ignored the devasting growth of sin in his most private desires and thoughts. Though, looking back, he felt he needed to keep pressing on. There were bills to pay, vacations to take, and pricey purchases to keep up with the neighbors. Work also became an idol, and excuses were at the ready—projects that had to be done now and couldn’t wait until Monday. On weekends, the only option was to divide and conquer, with one kid playing a sport here and another on the other side of town. He withdrew his presence as a husband and a father. There was no time to check in and catch up after a long week. As a couple, they had lost their connection and physical touch within their marriage.  

However, more excuses come forth: “We’re just in a busy season.” But the growing truth is that he didn’t care for, or desire to protect his marriage. And neither did he take time to care for himself, nor the vices that slowly took deep root in his life.

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