Proverbs is not a how-to manual for rearing children. Or more correctly, it is not merely a how-to manual. Having said that, I will say that Proverbs is a very applicable book that does inform how we think and what we do as parents and children. But before we go off and simply apply what we presume to be unbreakable axioms for parenting and child training we first need to back up and see what Proverbs is all about.

Proverbs is not a how-to manual for raising children. There, I’ve said it! Now, before you shoot me, at least hear me out.

One of the first evangelical Christian seminars I attended was by a Mr. Gothard. His Institute for Basic Youth Conflict with basic life principles seminar came out of his youth work and had become widely popular in the early ‘70s. It seemed everyone was going to this five-evening event, and this hungry seventeen-year-old joined them.

Knowing virtually nothing about Christ or the Bible, his material seemed weird but good. His idea about the chain of command (God-parent-child) was hard to swallow, but I figured it was because I was such a terrible rebel. Authority and discipline were “keys” (he always has keys and principles drawn from life experiences and the Ten Commandments).   Spanking was a key method for getting children to comply and conform; at least that’s what the quoted Bible verses seemed to prove. Sounded reasonable.

I attended his seminar twice and then went for his advanced stuff. The problem came about applying those foolproof methods to life. Those principles did not “work” for me the way they claimed to do in those testimonies he shared. Since then, I’ve had the opportunity to evaluate Gothard’s materials against Scripture and have found them to be terribly skewed. Gothard is not a lone “expert” in supposed biblical child training; a travesty to be sure!

One of the things he taught was that Proverbs was really a manual for parents, and the central method for achieving obedience and conformity in children was by using the rod; you know: the stick, the switch, the belt, the paddle, the thing that is to apply pain to the bottom of the child in order to deliver the lesson to the top of the child. Think of child training like that game at the fair, the one where you take this huge, weighty hammer and slam the bottom plank with enough force that the metal thingy will slide all the way to the top and ding the bell? In other words, smack the child firm enough so that lesson thingy will ding in his head?

That was one concept about child training that seemed plausible and acceptable, which became the centerpiece for my philosophy on child training for too long a time. See a child who is wayward? He needs more whacks. See a child who is disrespectful? She needs more lashes to her legs. The rod was the default switch that would fix and cure all woeful thinking and behavior. When do you start? When the child is an infant. When do you quit? When your son or daughter no longer behaves like a child. How would I know? Read Proverbs!

Since the 1970s I’ve read many books and magazine articles, attended conferences, listened to seminar speakers, and even taught and pontificated on the necessity of following Proverbs as a manual for parents and using the rod unsparingly to inculcate good morals and so-called biblical values. Sadly, I was wrong. Here’s why:

First, to see any portion of the Bible as a technical manual for life misunderstands and misapplies the Scriptures. Much has already been said and written on this subject, so it’s not necessary to detail the reasons for this statement here. To see Proverbs as merely a how-to book on parenting misunderstands its purpose and risks abusing it (and one’s children). Valid interpretation will pay careful attention to the character of the text, the purpose of the text, and to the contexts of the verse(s) being interpreted. To segregate a verse or passages of Scripture from those contexts does disservice to the text. Therefore, verses on using the rod to beat children or any other “child training” scriptures must be understood in its immediate context and within the context of the whole of the Bible.

Here are things we must consider:

Application flows from Scripture’s main redemptive-historic purpose in Christ. That is, it comes from God’s unfolding plan for redeeming his people through Jesus Christ. The big idea about Proverbs is that it points us to the one true Wisdom, who is Jesus Christ (more on this in another blog).

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