Christian men should expect and plan to be searching for good wives and by creative means if necessary, because God no longer draws them from our ribcage while we sleep.  Likewise, Christian women should be ready to be found and recognized as pearls like Rebekah and Rachel at the well and Ruth in the fields, and be availably attentive to the right men when they are noticed and approached.

Because of a number of heart-felt requests for advice on finding a covenant wife or husband by church members and visitors during my fifteen years of ministry (and several within the last year or so), I offer the following Scriptural guidance from my own personal application for encouragement.

Nearly eight years ago, I read about a retired pastor bringing Proverbs 18:22 to the attention of his grandson: Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.  The sage grandfather highlighted how this Proverb lauding a man for finding a wife equally implies the need for men to take the initiative to search for wives proactively and persistently.  Grandpa’s nudge was this: “Go find her, my boy!”

The story encouraged me as a relatively recent and young widower at that time to continue trying to find (and crying out to God to provide) a new help meet for me and my four children.  My search had been proving difficult and discouraging, and along my journey a few well-meaning (and married) consultants seemed to suggest that I may be trying too hard and not resting enough on divine providence.  This verse emboldened me to diligently carry on in my exhaustive and exhausting search until I found “her” as God’s reward because He usually uses such means.

After six months of mourning and then gaining wisdom in many counselors, I spent nearly a year on an earnest quest for a new wife and mother that included my children traveling to two continents and hemispheres as well as another of the United States.  Our exploration expanded from personal references to eight dating sites (Reformed, Christian, and secular) and the use of video conferencing, passports, airlines, and rental cars.  While nearly defeated earlier in the year, I remembered that Jesus says, “Seek and ye shall find.”  So I kept trying and by His grace guiding our steps we did soon cross paths with our ruby, Fernanda, with whom I celebrated seven years of matrimony on March 16.  What’s more, we prayed through potential medical obstacles early on toward quickly being answered with four more covenant children filling our quiver now with eight (the youngest who turned one also in March and began standing not long after on his own one evening while many of us cheered him on in pajamas and Mama cried, “Oh, my heart!”).

This article is our testimony to encourage others in the context of too much modern, hesitant speculation (fueled by either an influence of worldly priorities or a fearful misapplication of God’s sovereignty) to seek matrimony with the earnest zeal of Biblical precept, precedent, and promise.  For there is no finding with closed eyes and crossed legs—but the seeker will have his reward.  My children and church who ran this marathon to matrimony with me can assure others to strive toward such a finish line because our search for a good wife was worth it![1]

It is important for a man to diligently search for a good wife.

A bi-vocational minister, I also rejoiced near our wedding anniversary with my family and our church over reaching my 90-day review with my new full-time “tent-making”[2] employer.  At that time last year, I never fathomed that I’d be running an uphill pursuit that totaled nearly eighteen months, included some especially humiliating experiences with family in tow at times, and tenuously strained personal and church finances until we reached mid-November and God answered our supplications with a wonderful ministry overlap offer.  At some point during that journey as I was clearly running out of steam and stride while given an elder-mandated mini-ministry sabbatical, my eldest (then) sixteen-year-old son also wrestling through job hunting disappointments coached us both through the grind by reminding us it was just like looking for a new wife and mom years before (which he watched and wondered over firsthand as a yearning younger boy)—we eventually found our Fernanda in the finding!  (He also landed his first job a few months later.)

Read More