Let’s face it, we become defensive when our judgment is challenged. And who wants to be the continual Debbie Downer in the conversation? And yet at the same time, you want to help encourage people whom you care about to discerningly engage with the content of what they are reading. Truth is important and our theology shapes the way we live and interact. 

 
Have you ever read something that you thought was really good, only to return to it years later with embarrassment for your poor discernment? Or, have you ever really enjoyed a movie, only to be crushed when someone points out how bad the acting was or something disturbing about the message? I think most of us have been there. But it’s even tougher when you are on the other end. Have you ever been in a conversation with a person you care about who is recommending a so-called Christian book that you know is full of bad theology? What do you do then?

That’s a question that I get asked often, and one to which you can’t give a simple answer. I find myself in this situation more often than I can count, which is why one of my biggest passions in writing is to challenge Christians to read with discernment. But writing about it and actually talking someone through it are not the same. After an encounter with a friendly woman in the grocery store, a thoughtful woman emailed me asking, “What are some ways Reformed Christians can engage in meaningful conversation with evangelical Christians struggling in their walks with the Lord without trashing their choice in movie/books & devotionals?”

Let’s face it, we become defensive when our judgment is challenged. And who wants to be the continual Debbie Downer in the conversation? And yet at the same time, you want to help encourage people whom you care about to discerningly engage with the content of what they are reading. Truth is important and our theology shapes the way we live and interact.

I haven’t written much about this particular element of discernment, the awkward conversations, because I struggle through them and look back with regret just like the people who ask me about it. But I want to get better at it. So here are some guidelines that I thought may be helpful for all of us:

Think ahead—I have failed in so many of these encounters because I haven’t thought ahead. I may have done plenty of thinking ahead about a book, maybe even read it myself and written a critical review. But I don’t think ahead about how to carefully engage someone who is caught up in its teachings. When a friend begins talking about a book he has really been enjoying, your first response shouldn’t be to immediately kick into book review mode and provide the matches for the book burning. Trust me, I have learned the hard way. Which leads to my next point.

Don’t Tell Them How to Think—We want to encourage one another to think critically and to read for understanding, which means we want our friends to actually think for themselves. When we notice a lack of discernment, it is easy to want to “fix the problem” and start downloading all the essentials of the faith that this friend has apparently missed all her life and install alarm bells that will help her recognize when an author has left the station. But most of us did not become discerning because we were offered a crash course in the grocery store.

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