Much more than one’s felt needs, love language, or personal preferences, these are the most important words in the universe for building a God-glorifying marriage. The husband, like Christ, is the head of his wife. His wife recognizes this headship and responds graciously to it by following him, just as the church does not rule or lead Jesus but follows Him all the way to glory.

Our world has a strange relationship with authority. We saw this in the “Occupy” movement of a few years ago. Formally, everyone had the same role, but inevitably, “leading voices” popped up and made sure the countercultural drum circles beat to the same rhythm. Turns out that when everybody’s following the lead nonconformist, irony is not lacking.

Modern Christians have had their own struggle to understand authority. One of the most frequently misunderstood passages in Scripture, for example, is Ephesians 5:21, where Paul calls for “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Some commentators have understood this verse to call for “mutual submission,” such that both husbands and wives place themselves under one another’s authority.

Ephesians 5:21 actually calls for believers to recognize and respectfully follow God-ordained authorities. Wherever you find proper authority, Paul is saying, follow it. This view makes sense of the passage that follows. Ephesians 5:22–33 teaches that God has called a woman to submit to her husband and a man to love his wife. The woman images the church, which honors Christ as its authority (vv. 22–24); the man images Christ, who self-sacrificially leads and provides for His bride (vv. 25–28).

Much more than one’s felt needs, love language, or personal preferences, these are the most important words in the universe for building a God-glorifying marriage. The husband, like Christ, is the head of his wife. His wife recognizes this headship and responds graciously to it by following him, just as the church does not rule or lead Jesus but follows Him all the way to glory.

We know that this interpretation makes sense because the opening verses of chapter 6 spell out a second relationship predicated on authority and submission dynamics. Children must “obey” their father and mother (Eph. 6:1). This nonnegotiable role depends upon the recognition of and response to God-constituted authority. Ephesians 5:22–33 and 6:1–4 are linked; they unpack the principle of Ephesians 5:21 by showing how believers may act upon it.

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