When we remain loyal to our family and friends at the expense of truth, we ruin everything. The potential for destruction is catastrophic. Sessions split. Diaconates dissolve. Churches crash. The father of lies is happy to see this. But when the name of the Truth is dishonored, everyone loses.

The pastor had finished opening up the meeting with a devotional, now ready to work through the agreed-upon agenda, when one of the elders (let’s call him Lance) stopped him and declared to the pastor, “I have written something, and I want to read it to you.” The pastor (let’s call him Randall), somewhat surprised but avoiding strict obedience to the agenda, gave Lance the floor to speak. Lance opened up his folder, pulled out a two-page letter (double-sided), and spoke. He told Randall that he was going to read his letter, because he was struggling to maintain self-control. Evidently, something the pastor had done infuriated Lance.

Lance calmly read the letter to Randall in the presence of all the other elders now subjected to overhearing this one-on-one confrontation. Near the end of the letter, Randall learned how he offended Lance, and apparently some of the other elders in the room. Randall had offended (let’s call him) Esau. And in offending Esau, Randall offended and enraged Lance. Lance cited Esau’s apparent history of faithful service to God and country, then said, “Randall, if I had to choose between following you or Esau, either on a physical or spiritual battlefield, I would follow Esau every time.”

What was Randall’s response? Word has it that he simply thanked Lance for sharing his honest thoughts and carried on with the meeting by returning to the first item on the agenda. Perhaps he should’ve asked Lance, “Does this mean that you can no longer in good conscience support me as the pastor? If so, are you this very evening resigning from the office of elder?” Perhaps he should’ve let Lance take the meeting in a completely different direction: hearing out Lance’s accusation and either repenting of his great offense or defending himself from the charge.

Was Lance justified in calling out Randall? Lance sure thought so. Randall didn’t consider the confrontation valid. A stalemate, but over what issue? What was the charge? During the previous month’s elders meeting, we learn that the pastor had asked Esau to step down from being an elder. Bold move. He did this in front of all the elders, offering an outline of his reasons why Esau was no longer (if ever) fit to govern with the other men. Instead of initiating a trial, he simply, calmly pleaded with Esau to consider his own conduct in light of the evidence, and to weigh seriously whether or not he should continue as an elder.

Was Randall justified in calling out Esau? Randall sure thought so. Lance clearly didn’t, nor did Esau. But what brought Lance to a boil was Randall’s audacity and obvious (to Lance) lack of love to urge Esau to reconsider his fitness to the office of elder. A stalemate.

This stalemate cracked the church. This is how the Session (the group of elders) split. This is how the Diaconate (the group of Deacons) split. This is how the church split.

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