One cannot answer every confrontation question easily. Some decisions last for months and even years. Each time, our goal must be to discern wisely the right course of action. We will make sound decisions only if we sharpen our wisdom-saws regularly.

Before the Covid pandemic, I don’t recall using the phrase “decision fatigue.” Now it is part of my pastoral vocabulary. I’m still recovering from the fatigue of pandemic decisions.

One of the most significant categories of decisions that wear pastors and leaders out are questions of when to confront. When does a pastor call a deacon and say, “It was a bad idea to throw your coffee cup. You and I need to meet”? When does a pastor decide to overlook the offense and watch the NFL playoffs instead? The stakes for such decisions are high. And whether a pastor should confront is not always obvious.

Part I of “When Should a Pastor Confront?” made the point that pastors must wisely decide when to overlook and when to confront an offense in the life of the church. This means pastors facing confrontation questions should take a “wisdom supplement” by spending regular time in God’s Word with a special focus on Proverbs.

In addition to the general encouragement to sharpen your wisdom saw, six diagnostic questions can help pastors wisely decide when to confront.

1. Examine Yourself

First, before confronting, a pastor should ask, “Have I examined myself yet?” In the case of meeting dynamics, before calling someone else out, I need to prayerfully review my conduct to be sure I notice the beams in my life before pointing out the specks on other people’s glasses.

2. Are You Sure You’re Right?

Second, before confronting, ask, “How sure am I that I am right?” None of us read situations perfectly. We must always consider that our assessment may be wrong. In those instances where right and wrong are unclear, it is usually best to drop the matter. Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). A person’s wisdom gives him patience (Proverbs 19:11).

Two other observations are in order. First, if there truly is sin in the life of the other person and it is someone with whom you interact regularly, it will probably come up again. You can talk about it at that time. Second, if you always—or almost always—think you are correct, then you have a pride problem.

3. How Important Is This Matter?

Third, before confronting, ask, “How important is this?” I cringe to think about situations when I have spent too much time on things that didn’t matter. At a deacon’s meeting, we did a taste test to decide what kind of communion wafers to use. Theological truths did not drive this decision. There were conflicting preferences about what we should serve for communion. Fortunately, there was a good spirit in the room, and we deferred to the majority consensus. We chose “Styrofoam,” and I humbly lived with the choice. (Although I am still complaining about it 20 years later).

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