“I recognize that my views on marriage are out of sync with our wider culture and that as a consequence I am likely to be accused of bigotry and homophobia. This is a small price to pay for remaining faithful to Jesus and no less than we should expect as his followers (Matt 5:11-12). It is important to note, though, that my entire approach to sexual ethics is wildly different from the cultural norm.”

Probably sooner than later, every Christian must decide whether or not you will attend a same-sex wedding. Those of us who are pastors will also need to be ready to give advice to church members. I’ve chewed this one around, in my own thoughts, with my elder team, and with others. I offer these preliminary thoughts, in the form of Q&A, to help you make your own decision.

Our churches should welcome all individuals, regardless of age, ethnicity, gender, or sexual orientation. We should also seek to be faithful to the teachings of the Bible and the 2,000-year history of the Christian church. There are times when our values will appear to be at odds with our wider culture. The current climate surrounding the definition and expectations of marriage is a significant example.

Marriage is not simply a human institution but has been given to us by God. This gift begins at the start of the human story with the account of Adam and Eve in Genesis (Gen 1:28; 2:18-25) and continues throughout the Bible story. All depictions of marriage the Bible provides (both positive and negative) are between a man and a woman. While the manner in which marriage is formalized has varied over time and from place to place, theologically and historically marriage has always been understood given by God to a man and a woman.

If a couple love one another why does it matter what sex they are?

This point might sound strange, but I believe that marriage is about more than love. In fact, I do not believe that “being in love” is sufficient reason (or even the main reason) for getting married. Feelings of romantic love for another person tend to shift over time—sometimes they are stronger and at other times weaker. If marriage is based primarily on the feeling of love then marriage is likely to be weakened. This is why so many people leave their marriages when they no longer feel in love with the person they married. In order to be strong, marriage needs a firmer foundation than feelings of love.

If being in love with someone isn’t the main reason for marrying them, what is?

Good question! The Bible paints a picture of marriage as not only for the good of the couple but for the good of the whole community. This intent is most clearly demonstrated by the fact that God created marriage as the place for children to be born and raised, as having children is essential for the community to endure (Gen 1:28; 9:1; 15:1-6; Ex 1:7; Lev 26:9; Ps 127:3; Jer 29:6; 1 Cor 7:14). Jesus said there will be no marriage in the resurrection (Mt 22:30)—when all God’s people are raised to eternal life in Christ there will be no need for reproduction; that means there will be no need for sex, and hence no marriage.

Additionally, I believe marriage to be a covenant, rather than a contract, which reflects the relationship between Christ and the church (Eph 5:22-33). By definition, such a covenant must be between husband and wife, man and woman. I have no problem with the government legislating on what contractual arrangements couples can make. Indeed, I think the kind of financial contractual arrangements associated with marriage should be available to all, whether or not the relationship is sexual. But such arrangements are not the same as the fruitful, faithful, and sacrificial covenant of marriage between a man and woman.

But not all heterosexual couples have children—what do you say about that?

Assuming that a married heterosexual couple are fertile, I believe they should have children at some point and that refusing to do so in some way resists God’s intention for sex and marriage. However, if a heterosexual couple are unable to have children because of their age or due to infertility that is an accidental effect, and does not invalidate their marriage. (There are examples in the Bible, e.g., 1 Sam 1:1-2; Lk 1:5-7.) For a same-sex couple the inability to reproduce is an essential aspect of their relationship.

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