All this talk of how girls should dress “for boys” (to protect their eyes, to help them not to stumble, etc etc etc) perpetuates the lie that women exist for men – for their pleasure, for their protection, etc – rather than for the God who loves them and created them fearfully and wonderfully with the face and eyes and hips and breasts that men (honorably) admire. It perpetuates the myth that my boys literally cannot help themselves

I’ve read a LOT of blogs lately. Blogs about how girls should dress, how young ladies should protect young men, how the way a girl dresses defines her. I’ve read about how a girl is responsible for the looks she gets, for what goes on in a boy’s mind, for if and how much he lusts after her. I’ve read blogs from mothers of sons, who’ve warned girls of the impending Facebook block, should she show up too scantily clad on one of her son’s Facebook feeds (I applaud her, and I think I might want to try this).

As the youngest of four girls belonging to a pastor, I was very much raised to dress modestly. Constantly aware of the length of my shorts, the tightness of pants, the thickness of the straps on my tank tops, the cut of necklines, and the openness of dress backs. And Lord knows, two-piece swimsuits were simply out of the question.

And I don’t disagree. We women were created with a unique and curvy beauty, designed specifically to appeal to men’s physical and mind’s eyes. Knowing it, we have a responsibility to dress ourselves both in clothing and in dignity. For our own sake as much as anything else.

But here’s the thing: As the stepmom of a 16-year-old young man and mom of a 2-year-old toddler (whose world-in-14-years will undoubtably make me cringe in new ways), I’m annoyed. 

I’m annoyed that all the preaching to “keep a boy’s mind pure” seems to be aimed at girls. Because that’s my sons’ job. 

I’m annoyed that parents seem to be teaching their little girls that to be pretty and dress up their curves is to cause a man to stumble, “So be careful. And maybe wear a habit.” Because I want my boys to learn the difference between a beautiful woman who knows how to dress to accentuate her loveliness, and one who’s dressing for stares. I’m training them to discern a woman who dresses in godly character even when she’s wearing a bikini, from one who covers all the right parts because she hates herself and is ashamed of her body. I’m training them to recognize and avoid the attention-hungry girl seeking to manipulate his baser instincts AND the self-righteous religious girl who seeks to manipulate his spirit in more subtle ways. And that practice involves a lot more than weeding the “properly” dressed girls from the “immodest” ones.

I’m annoyed that parents are talking all about what Miley did on the VMA stage (and in what little clothing), about how girls shouldn’t emulate her and boys shouldn’t chase girls like her, all while ignoring what a 34-year-old married father did to her on that same stage. Because if she should know better, so should he. He should have been the one covering her up.

I have two boys whom I love. I want them to respect women. I want them to cherish their sexuality and save it for a worthy wife. I want them to hold out for worthy wives and, instead of chasing tail, practice becoming worthy husbands. 

Just as a worthy wife doesn’t make a practice of baiting all the men she can, worthy husbands don’t blame women when they take the bait. They own their dishonorable thoughts and deeds, and repent. LIKE MEN.

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