As we encounter Christ through the Gospels and see how he shows relational curiosity, compassion, and kindness to those around him, we will, by the Holy Spirit’s power, be transformed into his likeness.

My daughter Sophia loves murder mysteries and hates cliffhangers. Anything about Sherlock Holmes or Hercule Poirot is right up her alley. However, if a movie finishes with an unresolved plot, she boils over with frustration. What is it about her that makes her simultaneously love mysteries and hate cliffhangers? The reason is that curiosity is at the core of who she is as a person. She loves the unfolding of information that leads to plot resolution and catching the bad guy. She loves the inquisitive nature of Holmes and Poirot as they ask questions to get to the answer to the puzzle—and they always do get an answer. Her curiosity also drives her hatred of cliffhangers. Unresolved plots and unanswered questions are anathema to her. This type of curiosity is always searching, always engaging, and always internally asking questions.

When this type of curiosity is applied to interpersonal relationships, we call it “relational curiosity.” Relational curiosity is a deep desire to truly know someone—a desire to engage a person to understand more of what they want, what they need, and how to care for them. This curiosity comes from a heart of love for that person. This is what we need to have before we can listen well the way Jesus did.

Why Do We Need Relational Curiosity?

Relational curiosity is implied in several places in Scripture. Consider the famous Golden Rule in Matthew 7:12. It states, “whatever you want others to do for you, do also the same for them” (csb).  This command assumes two things. It assumes that we know what we want and that we know what the other person’s situation is. The second assumption is what relational curiosity moves us toward. We are supposed to treat others as if we were in their situation.

This command is more others-focused by necessity than us-focused.  Jesus didn’t command us to walk around, analyze what we want at any given moment, and give that to random people we interact with. The point is that we should see people in their individual situations and treat them in a manner that makes sense of that situation. To treat them in this way, we must know what is going on. We need to be curious about how people are doing, what they are going through, and how that is affecting them. Without this desire for understanding, we will be simplistic and unloving in what we do for those we love.

Building Relational Curiosity Internally

It is one thing to say that we should relate to people in a certain way. It is quite another thing to actually do it.

Read More