…there are other reasons. They aren’t theological or missional, but they will sting and hurt. I have found the way to navigate through these kinds of reasons. Yes, there are times I have to preach to myself about not having my self worth tied into people leaving, but what has also helped has been learning to decode what is REALLY going on, and why this person or these people are REALLY leaving. Using decoding skills moves your sting to an eye roll, and honestly, every church leader needs to do this at times.

The reality of people leaving your church is one of the hardest things to swallow as a pastor, but how to handle it when you’re the one losing a church member is rarely something you are coached through. We are often simply encouraged to “not take it personal,” or we’re handed the old battle cry of, “Worry more about those who haven’t come yet!” Even so, it still stings when someone leaves your church.

There are certainly good reasons for one to leave a church. I would quickly leave a church for theological reasons, especially beliefs that center around the authority and inerrancy of the Bible, and concerning how the church defines the gospel of Jesus Christ. If a church I belonged to drifted away from orthodoxy on any of those issues, either the elders would be out the door, or my family….quickly. I would have more patience and not be as quick toward leaving for missional reasons, unless the folks simply want to remain insider-focused with no evidence of change, or if they really desire a social justice center, more than a church.

I struggle with people who remain part of churches that are not on mission, especially when they stay for sentimental reasons. I would also struggle to stay part of a church where I wouldn’t be excited to bring a friend. A month does not go by where someone from another local church in town shows up to one of our services because an unchurched coworker or friend agreed to go to church, and that person didn’t want to bring his or her friend to that person’s own church. While I am grateful City Church is trusted as a place one would want to bring a friend, a Bernie Sanders rally would drive me less crazy than a Christian being part of a church where they wouldn’t be excited to bring a friend. Few things makes me more perplexed.

There are certainly good reasons to leave a church, as long as one does so with class and grace, not making a spectacle, but simply agreeing to join somewhere else out of theological or missional reasons. The truth is that your church just isn’t for some people’s styles of preference, and that is fine, as all believers have preferences when it comes to church. No harm, no foul. People leaving for those reasons has certainly happened at our church. Someone will discover I am a Calvinist, or a complementarian when it comes to my view on gender roles. Other times it is that I am too theologically conservative, or the church member disagrees that elders are the biblical model of church governance, or that we aren’t driven enough by social justice to meet their personal standards or exact, literal, passion. Others don’t like our music style and want something more traditional. Those reasons don’t sting, they are usually cultural or come from a theological persuasion that is different enough to break local church fellowship.

There are also times where reasons given are personal and real, and you have the opportunity to shepherd people through their threat to leave your church. These people may want to leave because of a relationship conflict, rather than work through the mess and seek reconciliation. Other personal reasons can be running from sin, or avoiding awkwardness that comes from relational conflict, or failing to forgive a brother or sister. These are discipleship moments that can display the power of the gospel in the local church.Read More

[Editor’s note: This article is incomplete. The source for this document was originally published on deaninserra.com – however, the original URL is no longer available.]