According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, more than 10 million men and woman are abused by a partner each year. One out of three women and one out of four men have been subject to some form of physical violence by a partner in their lifetime. In one sense, Rice is just one in a sea of statistics. Yet, in sharing their experience, he and his wife offer a cautionary tale that might put a tiny dent in those overwhelming figures.

On February 3, 2013, Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice was riding high. That was the day he helped his team win the Super Bowl in a historic game against the San Francisco 49ers.

But just one year later, Rice hit rock bottom after being caught on camera brutally knocking his then-fiancée unconscious in the elevator of an Atlantic City casino. After the dramatic and disturbing video footage was leaked on TMZ for all the world to see, Rice was fired by the Ravens, and he hasn’t played professional ball since.

Now Rice has a story to tell, a story of how this was the turning point in a lifetime characterized by various kinds of abuses and a deformed image of what it means to be a man.

This week 30-year-old Rice shared that story at Liberty University in a special, extended convocation that featured the former NFL player along with a panel of students, administrators, and counselors who shared stories of domestic violence as well as avenues of change and resources for help. (The entire convocation can be viewed here.)

The unceasing revelations of recent days of ongoing abuse and harassment by celebrities, leaders, and politicians leave the church with myriad questions, including how to prevent such actions and how to respond to both victims and abusers.

As one victim of domestic abuse at the hands of her minister husband, Ruth Tucker writes, “For too long we’ve let external appearances, assumptions about socioeconomic status or education levels, or even a ‘spiritual’ veneer and churchy language hide patterns of abuse.”

Another question, however, perhaps the hardest one amid the rawness of these revelations, is this: If we want abusers to repent and be restored, what will we do to facilitate and receive that repentance and restoration?

To that point, the backlash on social media to the announcement that Ray Rice would be addressing students at Liberty was swift and cynical. Yet, Rice used his talk to openly confess his own abuse and present a way to repentance for the abusers out there who are yet to be revealed.

Growing up in an impoverished home and community, Rice strove to be the man, he explained. But after being caught beating up a woman, he realized that he had no idea how to be a man. He said his violent attack “uncovered the brutal truth that I was becoming a better football player but becoming a bad person.”

In a follow-up interview, Rice added, “Masculinity comes in many forms,” but—he realizes now—“it should not come in forms of abuse.”

While he said the incident in the elevator was the first time he had been physically abusive, he admitted he had long been emotionally and financially abusive, making the line into physical abuse easier to cross. He went on to say he had learned about this and had experienced this as a kid in his mother’s home.

Growing up, the New York native didn’t have a vision of “what life should look like,” Rice said. His own father was killed in a drive-by shooting before he turned one, and the home he grew up in was both financially unstable and verbally abusive. Football became the “blanket” that comforted him and kept him away from the turmoil. And although he grew up in the church, his life was disordered. Football came first, then family, then God. By putting these out of order, his “dream became a nightmare.”

Despite whatever factors might contribute to the increased likelihood of abuse, it’s important to understand that such factors do not determine that one will abuse. As Christians Justin and Lindsey Holcomb, authors of many works dealing with abuse, wroteearlier about Rice’s case:

The truth is, the only reason an abuser abuses is because he chooses to. Abusers are able to control their behavior—they do it all the time. Just look at how they behave when they are not around their victims.

We know that certain factors intensify an abuser’s desire to abuse, but none of those factors cause abuse. Abusers abuse for one reason: because they want to.

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