Perhaps the absence of friends is the training that pastors receive. Perhaps it is the weight of pastoral ministry. Maybe it is due to the years of hurt that has been inflicted by “friends.” Or perhaps the real reason is pastors have not made friendships a priority. (There is a fourth possibility that says pastors really do have good friends, the survey is wrong and this post is wasting your time.) In a day and age when anyone can have thousands of followers on their myriad of social networks, it is time to build friendships. 

Robin Dunbar, University of Oxford anthropologist and psychologist, made an accidental discovery concerning how people gather. He observed in primates there was a direct correlation between the size of their brain and the number of peers in their social group. Essentially, the bigger the brain the bigger the social group. When he applied his theory to humans, he perceived that each person has around one hundred fifty people in their social group that they would consider friends. His work since the mid-1980’s has not only refined these numbers into subgroups but the theory that each person is relationally connected to around 150 people has been consistently demonstrated in both modern times and historical records.[1]

The question then is—in relation to pastors who regularly find themselves surrounded by people—why do seventy percent say they do not have close personal friends and no one in whom to confide?[2]

This either means that, in accordance with Dunbar’s theories, pastors have smaller brains or something else is going on. I believe it to be the second.

Perhaps the absence of friends is the training that pastors receive. Perhaps it is the weight of pastoral ministry. Maybe it is due to the years of hurt that has been inflicted by “friends.” Or perhaps the real reason is pastors have not made friendships a priority. (There is a fourth possibility that says pastors really do have good friends, the survey is wrong and this post is wasting your time.)

In a day and age when anyone can have thousands of followers on their myriad of social networks, it is time to build friendships. The following are three of the many biblical principles to embrace and apply towards building friendships.

Friends make life sweeter.

“Oil and incense bring joy to the heart, and the sweetness of a friend is better than self-counsel” (Pr. 27:9). God created us to need other people in our lives. The need for community is ingrained within us from creation. Friendship though is more than community. Friendship is a divine gift by which the marrow of life is enjoyed. Before friendships can be grown they must first be valued. Friendships are valued when seen as a gift from the Creator to his creation.

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