“Welcome to Consensual Nonmonogamy, or CNM, as it has come to be known, not just within the purview of the New York Times’ explorations of modern romance but also within mainstream scholarly circles. With roots in progressive social science and jurisprudence, CNM scholarship now proclaims that open relationships have all the same benefits that monogamous ones do.”

The equation starts out simply enough: 2+2+1=5. Julie and Joe are married, and so are William and Anna, but not Sayulita, all panelists appearing on a New York Times video called “Married, Dating Other People and Happy.” Giggling like teenagers over liaisons that evoke a galactic system in which lovers, less significant partners, other couples, and asteroidal hook-ups orbit a foundational marriage, the panelists describe their journeys into “ethical nonmonogamy” — ethical because it’s consensual.

Julie informed her husband, Joe, that she had become emotionally attached to another man and would stay only if they opened the marriage. Joe decided “she has that right.” And from there the math gets fuzzier and the variables harder to track. Another married couple becomes involved when Julie dates William. But then Julie and William break up, William’s wife Anna falls for Joe, and after that Anna realizes she also loves Julie. Meanwhile, William sleeps with Sayulita, who realizes she’s attracted to Anna. After which the addition and subtraction morph into multiplication as panel members, amid more nervous laughter, explain that Julie currently dates three other couples, Sayulita sleeps with three men and three women, and William and Anna have a hard time putting a numerical value on just how many they’re seeing.

The giggling abates when a yearning emerges, several times, for a simpler equation. Joe admits he still gets jealous of certain lovers, tries to find ways to “make us feel special,” and inquires whether Julie would “give up all those other people” if asked, to which she replies no “every time.” Sayulita voices deep fears of not having a “nesting partner, like these two couples,” a reality impeding her hopes for “having a family, having a home together.”

Welcome to Consensual Nonmonogamy, or CNM, as it has come to be known, not just within the purview of the New York Times’ explorations of modern romance but also within mainstream scholarly circles. With roots in progressive social science and jurisprudence, CNM scholarship now proclaims that open relationships have all the same benefits that monogamous ones do. Employing weak methods, researchers shrug off the dangerous ramifications for individuals and families involved in CNM to promote a relational math so complex that few, if any, couples have the wherewithal to solve the equation.

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