“Covenant thinking says God wants me to become what you need. God wants me to love you as you need. God wants me to serve you as you need. Covenant is about what is best for you; contract is what is about best for me. It’s the difference between selfishness and servanthood.”

Men are the head of their wives despite what some in the church and those outside of it argue, Mark Driscoll recently affirmed during his latest “Read Marriage” sermon series based on his controversial book.

Speaking to the men in his congregation, the Mars Hill Church pastor declared, “You are the head of your wife as Christ is the head of the Church. It’s not a not. It’s an is.”
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“We get into a lot of trouble when God says we are something and then we debate as to whether or not we should be,” he said, referring to the many debates people have had over the years because of the very question, which is to him, simply a biblical fact.
For the 41-year-old pastor, the question is not “are men the head of their wives” but are they doing a good or bad job. “That’s the only question.”

As the chosen head of the household then, men are responsible for their wives and children’s well-being, not only physically but also spiritually, mentally and emotionally as well.

“If your children or wife struggle and fail to grow in godliness, it is your responsibility, in addition to their responsibility. That’s what the Bible means when it uses the word head.”

Citing Ephesians 5:22-33, Driscoll referenced Apostle Paul, whom God spoke through to share his exhortations for husbands and wives, to clearly examine what it means to be the head of the household.

Men first of all need to know that they are the covenant head. “What this means is that your understanding of marriage has to be covenantal, not contractual,” Driscoll said.
“Contract is about me negotiating terms that benefit me, it’s selfish. Covenant is about me giving myself to you for your well-being. It’s servanthood. Covenant is about your benefit. Contract is about my benefit.”

When people spoke about divorce, they usually mentioned things like, “God wants me to be happy.” They were thinking contractually, however, and not covenantally, the Seattle pastor stressed.

“What they’re saying is me. God wants me to be happy. God wants me to get what I want. God wants me to get what I need. Covenant thinking says God wants me to become what you need. God wants me to love you as you need. God wants me to serve you as you need. Covenant is about what is best for you, contract is what is about best for me. It’s the difference between selfishness and servanthood.”
In a covenantal marriage, a husband and wife are in covenant with God through faith in Jesus Christ and in covenant with one another, Driscoll described. “As Jesus loves and serves the Church, so the man as the covenant head is to similarly lovingly lead his wife so that she flourishes and grows in the grace of God.”

Additionally, men also need to understand that every covenant has a head – an ultimate leader. For Christians, that head is Jesus Christ and the “lower case” head is the husband.

Men are to model their covenant relationship with their wives after Jesus’ relationship with the Church.

“It sounds peculiar because Jesus never went on a date or never got married,” Driscoll stated. “What does he know about marriage? But in the storyline of the Bible, marriage is a reflection of the relationship with Jesus and the Church.”

And no wife is like Jesus’ wife, whom the pastor called “a piece of work.”

“The Church of Jesus Christ is not always this beautiful, glorious bride. She falls into sin, rebellion, selfishness, but Jesus loves his bride, the Church. And how men are to love their bride, the wife? We read words in Ephesians 5 like loving her, washing her, making her holy, cherishing her, becoming one with her.”

Husbands aren’t supposed to be like “bosses at work” merely delegating responsibilities to their wives, but be like Jesus, pursuing his bride, investing in her and loving her.

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