God is working in his people. His work is likely just one degree of glory at a time (2 Corinthians 3:18), but he is working. Remember whom your people ultimately belong to. Even in the most difficult of God’s people, you can still find evidence of grace.

In terms of practical ministry help, the advice that has gotten me through the most challenging seasons of pastoral ministry is from John Piper. According to Piper, the key to long-term, faithful ministry is to have thick skin and a soft heart.

The problem, though, is many pastors have thin skin, crushed by every comment and criticism, and therefore, over time, their hearts grow hard toward the people God has called them to shepherd.

To serve joyfully, pastors must grow thick skin.

Thick skin requires the discipline of not taking every single comment to heart. Thick skin knows that not every critique is valid or even worth slowing down to consider.

Ministry is toil (Colossians 1:29). We toil against the great enemies of the soul—the world, the flesh, and the devil. God has not enlisted us for an easy job. It is, of course, discouraging to hear criticism from those outside of the church, but what I find to be the most discouraging is the criticism from those in our own congregations.

We anticipate criticism from those who do not believe. We are not surprised when non-believers say things contrary to our beliefs. We should expect that. But the critiques cut deeper coming from the mouth of brother or sister in Christ. Sometimes, God’s people can discourage us the most.

In light of that, how do we resist the temptation to grow hard in our hearts toward fellow Christians who are especially difficult to pastor?

Here are four points to help our hearts stay S.O.F.T toward especially difficult people.

Serve

When our kids are especially grumpy and bitter toward one another, my wife’s remedy is to have them serve one another. The child must accomplish a specific task or speak a word that serves the other sibling.

It has been a remarkably fruitful form of parenting because, in serving, we lift our eyes off ourselves. As we move our eyes away from us in service, they go up to God and finally land on others. Serving accomplishes the two Great Commandments (Matthew 22:36-40). Our sinful bent is toward the self. The two Great Commandments move us from the self to God and our neighbor. In this case, our neighbor is a difficult congregant. The process is incredibly freeing.

Instead of being a mopey pastor, constantly bemoaning how difficult your call is, repent and begin to serve specifically those who are difficult.

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