What was at first the promise of sexual liberation has turned into the burden that my happiness and well-being is dependent upon the sexual achievements of cultural expectations. If I haven’t had a certain amount of partners or certain kinds of experiences, I’m not keeping up. This is true in a myriad of areas. We have the freedom to travel, but suddenly that’s turned into scrolling through my Instagram and seeing that couple who is traveling to Europe, again. (How can they possibly be in Europe again?) You see all the places you haven’t been yet and, staring at your young kids, are not likely to for some time. And suddenly you feel behind. This happens in areas of vocation, money, success, status, and so on.
In our COVID-19 world, here is a shortened version of the story of modernity: we were told what we can do (freedom), which turned into what we should do (burden), and now what we can’t do (anxiety). It’s a tragedy but with loads of potential for spiritual renewal.
In more traditional times, lords and social expectations might have burdened us with the lack of freedoms. Parents chose our spouses and vocations, rulers chose our religions, and “providence” chose our station in life. But now our culture has worked toward the goal of autonomy, with the promises of absolute freedom and maximum control. We have the freedom to pursue the ends of desires and agency to take control of our destiny.
But the promises of freedom have turned into a burden of social expectations. What was at first the promise of sexual liberation has turned into the burden that my happiness and well-being is dependent upon the sexual achievements of cultural expectations. If I haven’t had a certain amount of partners or certain kinds of experiences, I’m not keeping up. This is true in a myriad of areas. We have the freedom to travel, but suddenly that’s turned into scrolling through my Instagram and seeing that couple who is traveling to Europe, again. (How can they possibly be in Europe again?) You see all the places you haven’t been yet and, staring at your young kids, are not likely to for some time. And suddenly you feel behind. This happens in areas of vocation, money, success, status, and so on.
What our culture says that you can have and be in control of has turned into what you should have and be in control of and when you don’t, you wonder what’s wrong with yourself.
