When we ask for help, God blesses us through the hands of others, and he blesses them in return. What feels humbling to us may become joy to them.

I don’t like asking for help. Frankly, I’d rather take care of myself, by myself.

But independence has become a thing of the past for me. Because of my disability and intensifying weakness, I can’t even get out of bed without help. My husband, Joel, shoulders nearly everything around our home, selflessly putting my needs before his. When he recently went out of town, I asked a friend to stay with me—though even that simple request felt humbling. I needed help with the smallest tasks: making coffee, bringing my food to the table, picking up afterward.

As my friend was leaving, I began to thank her, wanting to repay her in some way. But before I could finish, she interrupted me. “Thank you for letting me help you and telling me what you needed. You don’t know what a gift that was to me.”

Her words took me aback. I wasn’t sure how to respond, my eyes brimming with tears. I didn’t know how or why helping me was a gift to her, but I knew I needed to hear it. Maybe I wasn’t a burden or an inconvenience. What began as a gift to me, in some mysterious way, became a gift to her as well. This is the beauty of the body of Christ.

That experience made me wonder: Why is it so hard for me, and for many of us, to let others serve us in suffering?

Why We Resist

Asking for help makes us feel vulnerable. We can no longer pretend to be strong and capable, able to handle whatever we need on our own. Asking reveals that we’re weak and dependent.

Part of that vulnerability is the risk of rejection, since people can’t always respond to our requests. I remember reaching out to a friend during a difficult season, and when she couldn’t help, she offered alternatives—some that seemed to imply I didn’t really need what I had asked for. It stung to have my request dismissed, and for a while I hesitated to ask anyone else for help. Not asking felt safer than opening myself up to hurt again.

Sometimes we resist help because we’re embarrassed. We wonder if others will judge us or blame us for our situation—asking intrusive questions, making careless remarks, offering unsolicited advice. Those with modest or messy homes may fear scrutiny over where they live. Those in financial need may dread being labeled irresponsible or lazy. The sick may face insinuations that they “don’t look that ill.” When asking for help brings judgment, veiled or direct, we’d rather go without than feel the sting again.

Even when help comes without judgment, we’re still afraid of being a burden. No one wants to feel like a project or the object of pity. Most of us would rather serve than be served—giving feels noble while receiving feels awkward. Receiving is humbling, and so we resist it.

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