Tim and Kathy Keller wrapped up their three-part series on marriage this week by talking about one of the most debated, and oftentimes hated, topics when it comes to tying the knot: submission.

Speaking on the Focus on the Family radio program, the couple who helped start Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York City, explained biblical submission of wives to husbands within a marriage.

It’s not some man saying you must submit and do everything I say, Kathy Keller said. She explained that being submissive actually entails “a woman bringing her strength to the table, and not being mealy mouthed. The wife brings her strengths to the marriage.”

She explained that it is also the husband’s duty to facilitate submission and fulfill the role of the authority figure in the marriage. Jesus redefined what authority meant, and offered himself as a sacrifice, so if a man is imitating that role in the marriage then the woman’s gift to the man is her submission.

But she warned that a husband who is just trying to exercise his authority through control isn’t imitating the biblical role of a husband.

The Kellers also made it clear that being submissive does not mean the wife can’t push back or confront her spouse.

Kathy Keller used an example from her own life when she went to extremes to get her husband’s attention. She said they moved to New York to start Redeemer, where Tim is lead pastor, and in the first four years he was working all the time.

Kathy Keller feared that he was neglecting his duties as a father and a husband, and was not freeing up any time for other pursuits. So she said she had a “godly tantrum.”

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