“The majority of mankind is lazyminded, incurious, absorbed in vanities, and tepid in emotion, and is therefore incapable of either much doubt or much faith.” The teenage brain is neither lazyminded, nor incurious. But it may become absorbed in vanities if it is not challenged. So go ahead and challenge your child’s teenage brain, and then take heart in the fact that your child’s salvation is in God’s hands.

I love being a dad to children who are transitioning into adulthood. Parenting teens is actually amazing… One of the most significant aspects of this season of parenting is engaging with our teens as they start to question everything they believe. What we simplistically think of as teen rebellion is a process of trying to discern whether their beliefs are innate or inherited, and anything that is determined to be inherited is then submitted to a ruthless sifting. As teens process their beliefs, each one is systematically put through a thorough threshing and I’m afraid that most of what was imparted to them by a parent will likely be considered chaff.

Call me insane, but I enjoy witnessing the process, because I am encouraged by the fact that my kids are engaging with ideas. Their brain cells have taken on a completely different kind of function, no longer content with a binary response to information of either receiving or ignoring. Their grey matter is now manipulating these notions, examining them from different angles, pulling them apart and reconstructing them to determine whether or not they should be granted admittance into the now well guarded vault of their own beliefs or whether they should be tossed onto the discard pile labeled What do they know?

This winnowing is facilitated by the teen’s diversification of trusted sources of information and opinions. No longer restricted to mom, dad, teacher, pastor… their universe has expanded to include all sorts of authoritative sounding opinions… And while it is easy to view these competing voices with dismay and skepticism, a lot of them can be knowledgeable and convincing. Sure there are many social media influencers and unserious attention-grabbers vying for the attention of teens, but some different perspectives are healthy.

As my family enters into this new season, our dinner conversations have become much more animated, and my opinion is often challenged. The merits of my musical choices, the value of my movie preferences, the strengths of my favourite sports teams, even my political opinions, and my views of historical events are questioned. I honestly delight in listening to, in challenging, and even in conceding to the newly thought-out opinions that have been formed and articulated by the fully functional teenage cerebrum of my children.

But of course there is an area that I am a little more sensitive about. I have known that on the verge of adulthood, my son had been subjecting his faith to the same sifting process… Is it his? Is it mine? Is it believable? Discussions of baptism were stalled, and then put on hold, and now are no longer on the table. And lately, something else started to happen… We engage on all matter of topics, and he freely challenges anything I say regardless of the subject matter, except for one. The second matters of faith come up, something like an invisible curtain falls over his face. It akin to abruptly shifting your car into neutral, you suddenly realize that there is no longer any resistance, all you can do is rev your engine, but you are no longer gaining any traction. So you have no choice but to lift your foot off the pedal.

I have come to understand what he is doing. He knows this is the one area I will never concede, so he chooses not to engage at all.

Read More