It was like I had woken up on a planet where the laws of physics had changed and I had to figure out how to walk all over again. And yet here I am, five years later, still a Christian. Believing more than ever that Jesus truly is all that I have, all that I need, and all that I want. 

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18).

Prior to 2013, the idea of being brokenhearted was foreign to me, an abstract concept, like something I studied in a musty high school textbook.

I knew sadness, like when my grandmother died after having Alzheimer’s disease systematically disassemble her mind. I had shed my fair share of tears at the death of grandparents and friends.

And it wasn’t as though the idea of being brokenhearted was foreign to me. I saw my brother’s best friend spend months in a coma after he was in a catastrophic car accident. I saw the father of that same friend die from terminal brain cancer a few years later. I witnessed the depth of their grief and what it meant that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted.

But personally brokenhearted? Unraveled at the very core of my being? Shattered by waves of grief? Feeling like I was living in some sort of alternate, hellish world?

Never.

Then my life went to pieces.

In the span of six months, I found myself without the church I had grown up in, without my closest friends, and without the town I was born in and all my children were born in.

Suddenly, I found that I was only and always brokenhearted, and I had no idea how to handle the experience. It was always winter and never Christmas. Everything I thought I knew was called into question.

It was like I had woken up on a planet where the laws of physics had changed and I had to figure out how to walk all over again.

And yet here I am, five years later, still a Christian. Believing more than ever that Jesus truly is all that I have, all that I need, and all that I want. Believing that the local church is still important. Believing that the word of God is still inerrant and fully trustworthy.

I’m not trying to be overdramatic or hyper-spiritual. It’s just that I’ve seen a lot of people have their faith dashed upon the rocks of suffering. I’ve seen numerous friends go spiritually AWOL after walking through the Valley of Pain.

So why do I still want to follow Jesus? Is it because of my moxie and grit? Uhh, no. If you know me, you know that I’m the least “moxie and grit” person out there.

It’s pretty simple actually.

I still love Jesus because the Lord is near to the brokenhearted.

The Lord Is Close To The Brokenhearted…and Saves Them

Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

It’s not just that the Lord is near to the brokenhearted. He SAVES them. Preserves them. Keeps them from self-destructing.

When you’re crushed in spirit, you simply don’t know what to do. Up is down and down is up. Things don’t make sense and it’s easy to wander into a minefield of self-sabotage.

Honestly, there were times when my soul raged. Against people who had hurt me. Against the idea of church. I was angry and ragged and raging and brokenhearted. My spirit was crushed and depression became a close acquaintance.

The idea that grief progresses through five sequential, logical steps is absurd. Grief is an inverted rollercoaster, flinging you through disorienting emotional flips and heart-wrenching drops when you least expect it.

And yet…

Despite all my anger. Despite the raging and grieving and depression, God saved me.
He protected me…from myself.

Because God is close to brokenhearted and he saves the crushed in spirit.

One of the most common responses to being hurt by others is a total rejection of what those people believe. This is totally understandable, but extraordinarily dangerous in the context of following Jesus.

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