But what I also did not know was how amazing would be the mercy of God in hiding so many of my falls from those who loved me most. Enough were made known to humble, but not too many to destroy. I have become conscious that I have been always dealt with by the wisest and most patient of heavenly Fathers who loves me as much as he loves the Son he has set at his right hand. I am safe with him alone. I wish I had known the great truths of the gospel more deeply, with more sanctifying energy fifty years ago.

For fifty years I’ve ministered in one small congregation in a bilingual town of 20,000 people in Mid Wales. I have been asked to consider whether I have gained any understanding of the work of the ministry that might colour the choices I made all those years ago to give my life to being a preacher.

We have to acknowledge that Paul tells us that we can have all knowledge, and yet if we lack love we are nothing (1 Cor. 13:2). And any knowledge I might have gained in the past decades is still a poor grasp of the greatness of God and the glory of the gospel. Now I know in part. I am still anticipating a day soon to come in my life when I shall know even as I am fully known.

Family Life

Consider the parallel journey of marriage. I have been married for 51 years. We were married in Jerusalem, Blaenau Ffestiniog in July 1964. If I dared to think, ‘If I knew then what I know about marriage now…’. How would I end that sentence? That I would not have got married at all? That I would not have married that particular girl? My marriage has now reached the dementia of my beloved wife. If I had known that then, would it have made any difference at all to my marrying Iola? None whatsoever. I have had a blissfully happy marriage and I am experiencing grace for this section of my pilgrimage just as I did for the years of sick babies, sleepless nights and adjusting to being a husband and father. I wish I had been exceedingly more patient and thoughtful and loving of course, but 51 years of the delights and testings of marriage has not given me any radical rethinking of this creation ordinance. It would have been very bad for me to have been alone. Marriage to my wife has been a privilege, the greatest blessing after the grace of salvation that anyone could receive.

I entered marriage with a knowledge of what it was, from being part of a home for 26 years before I started my own home. I saw how Mam and Dad coped with life in their wonderfully happy relationship. I saw other relatives, and friends of mine in whose homes I would sit and enviously hear their banter and the loving teasing, perceiving the warm affection and the delight of the infants God had given them. That is what I longed for more than anything else, to marry and live as they did. I knew what marriage was from close observation.

So it was with the work of the gospel ministry. I knew about it. It was not a mysterious life. My father’s twin brother was a preacher. Dad’s sister married a preacher, and his brother was a preacher. So three uncles were preachers and I was in their homes. Then I became a Christian in March 1954. And that reality of knowing Jesus Christ was the Creator of the universe, and the living God, and the giver of eternal life and forgiveness of sins to all who entrusted themselves to him became a mighty reality, the most important fact about life.

Fellow labourers

I met young men who were entering the ministry, like Andrew, Neville, Ioan, Pete, Hywel, Stuart, Walt and Owen, and they seemed to me to be the most likable, normal, manly men you could ever wish to have as your friends and role models. They were going to be preachers. They were not saying, ‘Unworthy! I couldn’t dream of it. I am not holy enough, and not knowledgeable enough.’ They were going to give their talents and personalities and weaknesses to God. I could do that.

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