“how can I best use my life to honor God?” Or spent time carefully listening to the advice of people who have already lived life and done it well? If “I can’t” paralyzes people, “I can do it all” sends them off pursuing the wrong things and forever wondering if they missed their passion.

I know few better ways to understand myself than being a father. Because kids are, after all, just little humans with all of the wonderful capacities, funny quirks, and deep brokenness that makes people what we are.

“I can’t!”

One of my children recently showed a pattern of facing hard tasks, reaching the frustrating part of the learning curve, and stepping away saying, “I can’t. It’s too hard.” Life is full of hard tasks, many of which are quite clearly beyond us. But “I can’t” isn’t an acceptable response. “I can’t” throws the challenge off with a shrug. “I can’t, and therefore I choose to stop trying.” “I can’t and therefore I don’t need to do it or I don’t care.” It’s Moses making excuses not to speak for God. It’s Elijah in the wilderness, giving up on his calling when there are still 7,000 people quietly standing behind him (1 Kings 19:18). It’s John Mark walking away in the middle of an important missionary journey. In contrast, Scripture shows us David attacking Goliath when seasoned soldiers shrink back in fear; Jonathan storming the unassailable garrison or Stephen preaching judgment to the assembled Sanhedrin. No fatalistic shrug here because “it’s too hard.” “I can’t” never led anyone to courageously attempt the impossible. “I can’t” never helped anyone accomplish the remarkable. “I can’t” succeeds only in becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

“I can do anything.”

But I find just as loathsome the self-empowerment mantras that fill cartoons and Facebook memes.

“You can do anything you set your mind to” is implausible, but also profoundly arrogant. If all the people who think they should be president were elected there, term limits would be less than 24 hours and the country would be unlivable. You simply can’t ever become certain things—a different gender, for instance.

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