The fear of rejection is often a fear piled on top of other fears and uncertainties. The solution is to make the fear of rejection “a small thing”. And the way to make the fear of rejection a small thing is to make the acceptance of Christ a bigger thing. And the only way that can happen is to cultivate with all zeal a relationship with Christ through all the means we have been provided as fellow heirs with him. This takes work and a frank recognition of our fears and the beliefs that undergird them.

1 Corinthians 4:3–4: [3] But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. [4] For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me. (ESV)

“What if they reject me?” This fear runs like an underground stream of thought in the hearts of many of us. When we see someone who seems impervious to the blows of public opinion and/or rejection, we marvel at them in part because we can’t imagine having that ability. It’s almost as though they’re superheroes whose powers we’re not certain we’d like to have.

In speaking with some of these people, it is often the case that there is still a fear of rejection, only that it looks different for them compared to us.

The Fear of Rejection

The fear of rejection often involves friends. One of the reasons peer pressure is such a powerful force is because it leverages the fear of rejection by functionally blackmailing a person into conforming. This threat is rarely made explicitly; normally it is implicit, and that only makes the threat all the more powerful. Not only does a person being threatened feel the power of the threat as the fears arise, but the nature and origin of the power are obscured behind a shadow in their mind. The same can be said of other manifestations of the fear of rejection, such as rejection by family or coworkers.

Why, in general, is the fear of rejection so powerful? How can the apostle Paul say it is a very small thing to be judged by the Corinthians or any other human court? How can Paul be content knowing that the only judgment of him that matters is the judgment by Jesus?

Before continuing, we may need to make the case that Paul is in fact speaking to things that reflect a typical fear of rejection. In speaking of judgment, Paul is invoking language that is more legal than social. Also, Paul speaks of not judging himself, which could hardly be construed as social rejection. How can someone reject themselves?

Nevertheless, Paul is defending himself against the Corinthians, and there is a social aspect to the judgment as well as the overarching legal tones. And the rest of the letter is in a sense a plea for the Corinthians to accept Paul. Although Paul is clearly not driven by fear but rather by faith, we can see in Paul’s words above a lack of the fear of rejection.

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