But study after study has shown that no one is immune from the motivating effects of acknowledgement and thanks. In fact, research … has shown that saying thank you not only results in reciprocal generosity — where the thanked person is more likely to help the thanker — but stimulates prosocial behavior in general. In other words, saying “thanks” increases the likelihood your employee will not only help you, but help someone else.

Forget the empty platitudes; your star employee is not a “godsend.” They are a person deserving of your not infrequent acknowledgment and worthy of appreciation and respect. When was the last time you thanked them — really thanked them?

In my line of work, I frequently communicate with CEOs and their executive assistants, and nowhere is the need for gratitude more clear.

After one CEO’s assistant had been particularly helpful, I replied to her email with a grateful, “I hope your company and your boss know and let you know how valuable and special you are.”

She emailed back, “You don’t know how much your email meant to me.” It made me wonder — when was the last time her boss had thanked her?

This happens frequently. For instance, a few years ago, I was trying to get in touch with one of the world’s most well-known CEOs about an article. His assistant had done a great and friendly job of gatekeeping. So when I wrote to her boss, I included this: “When I get to be rich, I’m going to hire someone like your assistant — to protect me from people like me. She was helpful, friendly, feisty vs. boring and yet guarded access to you like a loyal pit bull. If she doesn’t know how valuable she is to you, you are making a big managerial mistake and YOU should know better.”

A week later I called his assistant, and said, “I don’t know if you remember me, but I’m just following up on a letter and article I sent to your boss to see if he received it.”

His assistant replied warmly, “Of course I remember you Dr. Mark. About your letter and article. I sent him the article, but not your cover letter.”

I thought, “Uh, oh! I messed up.” Haltingly, I asked why.

She responded with the delight of someone who had just served an ace in a tennis match: “I didn’t send it to him, I read it to him over the phone.”

Needless to say, that assistant and I have remained friends ever since.

Read More