Discipline consistently, and you will know peace and happiness. “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart” (Proverbs 29:17). You will be happy if you like your kids, and you will like your kids if you discipline them away from what makes them obnoxious.
The cane was a legend by the time I started primary school in 1976. Rumour said that the Principal kept it behind his office door. I never knew an actually caned pupil, but its possible existence made the Principal awesome in our sight.
Roald Dahl described his school principal’s sadistic delight in caning boys—smoking his pipe, lecturing the bare-bottomed child, and drawing blood with vicious intermittent blows. (He was later made an Archbishop of Canterbury.) Stories abound of harsh fathers taking their children “to the woodshed.” I know a man whose father even made him select and cut switches for his own punishment.
With so much cruelty it is not surprising that the cane was banned from all Australian state schools by 1999. (Though it’s still legal in private schools in Queensland and South Australia.) And smacking is illegal altogether in Sweden, Germany, Israel, and many other countries. There are routine attempts to outlaw it in Australia.
Within this atmosphere what Proverbs says about disciplining children seems confronting, if not repellent. But look carefully, and you will see nothing but the astonishing wisdom and boundless love of Jesus Christ.
The book of Proverbs is at least three-thousand years old. It was written mostly by King Solomon, who chose to receive wisdom from God above riches, long-life, or the death of his enemies. “God gave Solomon wisdom and very great insight, and a breadth of understanding as measureless as the sand on the seashore” (1 Kgs 4:29).
The book has two main parts. In Chapters 1–9 Solomon lays a theological foundation by introducing the idea of wisdom, describing its importance, and showing how to get it. Chapters 10–31 feature the wise and pithy statements for which Proverbs is famous.
The early 90s saw a nasty rash of “wise-thought-for-the-day” books. “Life’s Little Instruction Book,” for example, uselessly urged us to “Never give up on anybody, miracles happen every day;” to “Be kinder than necessary;” and to “Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.”
I much preferred “Life’s Little Destruction Book,” which recommended you to “Tell the ending of movies,” to “Cut people off in the middle of their sentences,” and to “Give little kids clothes for their birthdays.”
Proverbs is not a thought-for-the-day book. It is Jesus Christ, Wisdom himself, the Creator, calling and commanding us to live the way he created us to live, showing us the benefits and blessings of living this way.
Proverbs is not, however, a book of promises, but of principles. It must be interpreted as a part of the Bible, according to its own Chapters 1–9 Prologue, in light of the Curse and humanity’s heart bias to sin, and in the shadow of the Cross. It is God’s truth, for example, that “Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth” (10:4). But in a sin-blighted world we often see the opposite, and only Jesus’ return will bring about the full correction and fulfilment of Proverbs’ principles.
Child discipline should be understood in the light of the LORD’s fatherly discipline of all his people: “My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in” (3:11-12). Eugene Merrill says that discipline (musār) refers not to formal education (as vital as that is) but to “the instilling of values and norms of conduct.…Discipline has a beneficent, restorative end. It issues from true love even though the disobedient hate it. Those who truly love will not withhold it.” Hebrews 12 reinforces this: “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”
We’ll look in this light at seven proverbs that address the matter of raising children, my comments becoming much briefer as I progress.
1. Proverbs 13:24: Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
When a child is naughty the rod ought be applied: a thin strip of wood used to inflict a sting to the hand or bottom. The “rod” would also include verbal discipline, the removal of privileges, or any other form of painful discipline.
The purpose of the rod is to teach this unbreakable law: SIN BRINGS PAIN.
In childhood, in the shelter of the home, this isn’t always obvious, for our parents do much to mitigate the effects of our sin. But when we grow to adulthood and leave the shelter of the home, then our sin can cause untold harm to ourselves, and those around us.
You can break the rules of your home without too much damage; but when you break the laws of the land as adults you and others will suffer far worse. You can lie to your parents without too much harm; but when you lie as an adult to the ATO, or a magistrate, or a spouse, great pain results. You can be lazy in your parents’ home and still get fed and watered; but when you are lazy as an adult, in the real world, you and yours will suffer. You can be unfaithful to your parents and they may be strong enough to endure it, but when you are unfaithful to your spouse and children you gash their lives and souls.
So parents must use the rod to drive this unbreakable SIN-BRINGS-PAIN law deep into their children’s hearts.
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