Traditionally, marriage civilized men by channeling their sexual desires into a loving relationship and parenthood.  And it channeled their aggressiveness into protecting their family and working hard to provide for them.  The fathers, in turn, taught their sons how to treat women and how to discipline themselves so they could grow up into effective adults.

Complaints about “toxic masculinity” often come across as complaints about “masculinity.”  The Gillette ad on the subject shows leering men committing sexual harassment, bullies tormenting those smaller than themselves, and otherwise being obnoxious.  But such behavior was always scorned by men of honor.  The Gillette ad does show men in their traditional masculine role as protectors, role models, and fathers.  Though it comes across as feminist and condescending.  (I’ve embedded it below, so you can judge for yourself.)

But there is such a thing as men behaving badly.  And this often happens when young boys grow up with no father or father figure to show them how to be a man.  A substantial amount of research has shown that boys who grow up without a father often develop “hypermasculine” traits–that is, extreme physical and sexual aggression.  They get in fights and sometimes commit violent crimes.  They tend to be misogynistic towards women while also being promiscuous.  Girls raised without a father often become “hyperfeminine,” becoming sexually promiscuous and usually getting pregnant at a young age, generally from one of those hypermasculine men who never stay around to be fathers to their children, much less husbands.

Traditionally, marriage civilized men by channeling their sexual desires into a loving relationship and parenthood.  And it channeled their aggressiveness into protecting their family and working hard to provide for them.  The fathers, in turn, taught their sons how to treat women and how to discipline themselves so they could grow up into effective adults.

Who was responsible for mocking these “1950s” families and for encouraging young people to rebel against it?  Today marriage has all but disappeared in the poor working class of all races and single mothers are raising their children with no father in sight.  But middle class and wealthy families too are torn by divorce and family dysfunction.  And the Sixties, with the sexual revolution and the counter culture, threw out all restraints on principle.  A consequence of all of this is both the despair among young people (listen to their music) and “toxic masculinity.”

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