To us who have rebelled against Him, God’s love may appear to be constraining, and so “unloving” to the modern mind, but in fact it is the deepest love of all—the love that wants us to come in from the cold and darkness of sin and bask in the glorious light of His eternal presence. 

“God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16 ESV). These well-known words of Jesus have often been a kind of signature tune for Christians, who proclaim that the coming of Christ to suffer and die for our sins was an act of divine love without parallel in history. The Apostle John, who recorded these words for us, was particularly struck by the love of God and made it central to his proclamation of the gospel. On several occasions he refers to himself as the disciple whom Jesus loved, not because he was especially favored, but because he felt the power of that love in his own relationship with the Lord (John 13:23; 19:26; 20:2; 21:7). He returned to the same theme in his great epistle, where (after recalling the fact that the Father sent the Son into the world) he says: “We have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him” (1 John 4:16).

One way of measuring the impact that love has had on the world is to reflect that it is now the most popular and widespread aspect of the Christian message. The world cries out for love, in which it sees the supreme manifestation of happiness and security. Everybody wants love in their lives—people who love them and whom they can love in return. Countless songs are devoted to this desire, and films have explored every dimension of it, from the “happy ever after” scenario that is supposed to follow on the lucky couple who fall in love, to the heartbreak that ensues when such love is unrequited or betrayed. So attractive is the idea of love that in recent years it has been extended to include so-called same-sex marriage, on the ground that everyone should have the right to marry whomever they love, regardless of other considerations. It takes some reflection to realize that when “love” is conceived this broadly, it loses meaningful boundaries and can easily be used to justify absurd conclusions. For example, I love my mother, but does that mean that I should be able to marry her? Obviously not! Here we have a clear instance of how “love” can be used to justify almost anything, whether it makes sense or not. We live in a society that has distorted the very definition of love. But we must recognize that it is God who defines love, not us.

Love Distorted

In a culture that stretches “love” to such absurd extremes, Christians face a particular challenge in proclaiming the love of God. We cannot deny the importance of God’s love for our faith and practice, yet applying that love to daily life is complex and varies from one relationship to another. Love for parents, children, neighbors, friends and strangers may proceed from a common impulse, but it works itself out very differently in the way we behave towards each of them. Nor is it always easy to decide how love should be applied in any given instance. For example, people who advocate assisted suicide may well consider that those who object to it are lacking in love, because to them opposition to euthanasia sounds like a desire to prolong needless suffering. In their view, if we would not hesitate to put down a dog or a horse who was in incurable pain because that seems to be the most loving thing to do, why would we think differently about a fellow human being in a similar situation?

From another angle, “love” is now often interpreted as so-called “permissiveness” or “acceptance.” There was a time, not so long ago, when conditions like mental illness were not understood, and criminals were judged by their actions alone. The urge to punish offenders was allowed to overrule other considerations, sometimes in ways that now seem unjust. But today we have often gone to the other extreme. Murderers and other criminals are put through psychological tests to determine whether their actions were influenced—perhaps even determined—by psychological conditions that lie hidden beneath the surface and mitigate the degree of their responsibility for what they have done. To many, this comes across as the loving approach, since nobody wants to execute a person whose crimes can be explained, if not entirely excused, by factors beyond their control. Is this what “love” demands of us?

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