Christian parents can be encouraged that they have a message of goodness, hope, and life to share with their children that contrasts with the nihilism of our day…The onslaught of erroneous messages from the world requires frequently revisiting who we truly are. As Timothy Keller observes, “Christian maturing is a process in which the most fundamental layer of our identity becomes our self-understanding as a new creature in Christ along with all our privileges in him.”

One of the fundamental questions of human existence is “Who am I?” Our understanding of our identity shapes our beliefs, feelings, and actions. New Testament scholar Klyne Snodgrass holds that we must take the question of identity seriously: “It is the most important question, and in some ways the only question. You will focus on identity. The question is whether you will focus on identity well or poorly.”1

The issue of identity is paramount in American culture today. Pastor Jonathan Cruse rightly observes that a “person’s identity, or their particular mode of self-expression, is sacred in our current context. There is nothing more important, our society says, than allowing people to identify themselves in whatever way they see fit.”2

Part of maturing as a believer is intentionally viewing our identity through the lens of Scripture and the Christian worldview. As with other aspects of our sanctification, this is a lifelong process that we must regularly revisit. Christian parents have the added challenge of helping their children navigate these difficult waters, especially during the teen years.

To help parents guide their children in forming their identities, we’ll explore two key theological foundations for this and two common approaches to avoid. Last, I’ll suggest practical ways parents can encourage their kids in this area and help them understand who they are in light of God’s Word.

Two False Foundations of Identity

Before we discuss the theological foundations of identity, we’ll consider two mistaken approaches that our culture heavily emphasizes today. The first is looking for answers within us, and the second is looking for answers around us. 

Looking Within

We can hardly listen to a song, watch a movie or television show, or hear a celebrity interview in which we aren’t instructed to “Follow your heart,” “Be yourself,” or “You do you.” New Testament scholar Brian Rosner captures our zeitgeist well:

Most people today believe that there is only one place to look to find yourself, and that is inward. Personal identity is a do-it-yourself project. All forms of external authority are to be rejected, and everyone’s quest for self-expression should be celebrated. This strategy of identity formation, sometimes labelled expressive individualism, is the view that you are who you feel yourself to be on the inside and that acting in accordance with this identity constitutes living authentically.3

It’s important to note that this critique doesn’t mean that God chooses to ignore or erase our individual personalities and interests, since many of these are God’s design for us (see, for example, Psalm 139:13–16; Jeremiah 1:5). Rather than eliminating our personalities, God desires to be glorified through our personalities.4

The great error of attempting to look within to find our identities is that God created us, and we can only understand ourselves in relation to God and his purposes. We should live examined lives—as Paul instructed, “Watch your life and doctrine closely” (1 Timothy 4:16)—but to learn who we ultimately are, we have to look outside ourselves to the one who made us in his image, a topic we’ll discuss below.

Looking Around

Along with searching inside ourselves, culture tells us that we should find our identities in what we do, what we have, and what others think about us. We should attempt to achieve good things, material possessions do have their place, and it would be foolish to dismiss the opinions of everyone around us. But we cannot look to these things to tell us who we are, or hope to find lasting satisfaction in them. As Timothy Keller points out, “The human heart takes good things like a successful career, love, material possessions, even family, and turns them into ultimate things. Our hearts deify them as the center of our lives, because, we think, they can give us significance and security, safety and fulfillment.”5

If we allow any of these good things to take precedence over our allegiance to God, they become idols. As with our personalities, God’s goal is not to remove these things from our lives, but for us to use them to glorify him and do the work of his kingdom. As Paul instructed, “Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31).

Two Theological Foundations of Identity

Pastor and counselor Jonathan Holmes is undoubtedly correct that “The greatest problem our kids are facing regarding the issue of identity is this: an anemic and even nonexistent notion of who the Lord is and what he has called us to be.”6

Read More

1. Klyne R. Snodgrass, Who God Says You Are: A Christian Understanding of Identity (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2018), 10, italics in original.
2. Jonathan Landry Cruse, The Christian’s True Identity: What It Means to Be in Christ (Grand Rapids: Reformation Heritage Books, 2019), 3–4.
3. Brian Rosner, How to Find Yourself: Why Looking Inward Is Not the Answer (Wheaton: Crossway, 2022), 16.
4. Rosner, 14.
5. Timothy Keller, Counterfeit Gods: The Empty Promises of Money, Sex, Power, and the Only Hope That Matters (New York: Penguin, 2011), 5.
6. Jonathan D. Holmes, Grounded in Grace: Helping Kids Build Their Identity in Christ (Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2024), 12.