As a dad, I know the value of a hard no. I cannot give my kids everything they ask for. There are things they want that I know are bad for them. They won’t appreciate that until many, many years from now. They don’t have perspective. And I don’t have perspective, the perspective that God has, who sees all things outside of time. 

There’s a scene from my college days that I often recall. In this flashback, I’m in an empty church parking lot, rain pouring down, and I’m at the steering wheel of my 1989 Ford Mustang. A relationship I was sure would be the one fell apart. I was angry, unsure what God was doing, and frustrated at a future that seemed so uncertain.

A door slammed shut in my face. This wouldn’t be the first time something I felt was a good and right thing, something that seemed to be in step with God’s will, just evaporated into thin air. The pain in that moment was real, but in the years since, I’ve reflected on it with overwhelming gratitude for that closed door, which redirected my life toward something better. Without that “no”, there would be no “yes” to the amazing woman I married and my four beautiful children. It would have meant, as I look back, a much different life and direction, an inferior pathway than the one God chose for me.

Since then, there have been several more closed doors. I’ve had proposals rejected, ideas dismissed, and resumes left in the slush pile. I’ve been fired, betrayed, and misunderstood. None of these things are fun at the time, but the older I get, the more I thank God for saying no. I’ve started telling myself, “If God is saying no to this, what is he saying yes to?” I still struggle with faith, but I’ve come to understand that the unexpected life God has given me is better than the life I would have planned for myself.

To be sure, God doesn’t always allow us to see the full backside of every tapestry, at least in this life. Some closed doors remain part of God’s inscrutable providence, the mystery we trust with threads of faith when it doesn’t make sense. I am thinking of a parent I know who lost a young son in a freak accident.

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