Don’t believe every accusation. I’ve learned in ministry that there are always two sides to every story, and I make it my habit to never form conclusions about a situation until I have spoken with all parties involved. Advice like “believe all women” sounds compassionate and caring, but it ignores the element of human sin within every person, male and female.

Have you ever been “gaslit”? Have you ever “gaslit” someone else? Do you even know what this term means? I heard it used countless times before I eventually got curious. Once I figured out its meaning, I realized that I hardly ever hear it used correctly.

The slang term originates from a 1944 psychological thriller called, “Gaslight.” In the film, a husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s insane when, in reality, he’s deceptively robbing her of her inheritance. The title of the film derives from the wife’s observation that she often hears footsteps in the attic when the gaslights dim. The husband convinces her that she’s crazy to hide the fact that he’s up there searching for jewels. Throughout the film, the husband systematically and successfully causes his wife to doubt her own sanity.

To “gaslight,” then, means to manipulate someone into questioning their perception of reality for the sake of personal gain. However, in popular usage, the term has morphed into a catchall to describe basic instances of human disagreement. If you interpret these facts differently than I do and try to convince me you’re right, you’re gaslighting me. If you tell someone that they are interpreting something incorrectly, you may be accused of gaslighting them.

Those who apply the term wrongly seek to transform simple human disagreements into instances of manipulation and abuse. Particularly when used by someone perceived as having less power in a relationship, the accusation attempts to win sympathy from those not involved. To claim having been gaslit is to claim victim status which reaps immediate rewards in a culture rightly sensitive to abuse. Ironically, when used wrongly, accusing someone of gaslighting often serves as an actual instance of manipulation, for the accuser wields the label to win the power of public approval and validation.

Lately, I’ve heard the term used in the context of biblical counseling when counselees don’t agree with the advice they’ve been given.

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