The pastor’s kid can be in a position to experience both the extreme highs and the extreme lows of local church ministry. And while the pastor is not totally responsible for how that child responds later in life, he can have a profound influence on him or her.

Over a year ago, I wrote a post at this blog on pastors’ children. According to the comments and the views, I obviously hit a nerve. Some of the comments came from pastors themselves. But a number of comments came from the children of pastors.

Since that article, I have continued to receive comments from children who grew up in pastors’ homes. There is a consistent theme going through many of their perspectives and emotions. Many of them had very positive experiences; but many did not.

Through hundreds of comments and conversations, I have been able to distill five things every child of a pastor would like to hear from their pastor/parent. Indeed, those who heard these five things consistently are those who have the healthiest attitudes toward the church today.

1. You have the freedom to be a normal kid. “I don’t place different expectations on you because you are a PK. At times, you may feel pressure to act differently or be different because you are my child. Ignore those pressures. Know that I have none of those expectations, and you can live a normal and happy childhood.”
2. I’ve got your back. “Yes, there are some ornery church members. In fact, some of them are just downright mean. You may hear negative things or be criticized personally. While I can’t change that, I will defend you. I won’t let a church member run over you. You always come before church members.”

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