The Lord made us to belong to Him first and to one another second. The fear of being disliked by people can threaten that order. Here’s how: By wanting to be desirable in the eyes of people, we often devalue the superior affection of God toward us. We forget that our main problem has never been people’s rejection but God’s. The fear of being disliked by people may indicate we have forgotten the remarkable privilege of being received by God so deeply that Jesus says the Father loves His people with the same love He has for Jesus Himself (John 17:26). There is not a deeper affection in the universe.

We like being liked. To be liked is to be desired. And the desire to be desired is one of the most powerful drives of the human heart.

I have seen this hunger to be desired make otherwise reasonable people act so desperate, and even foolish, that I wondered if their heads had been replaced. I’ve been such a desperate fool myself—and so have you.

Being considered unattractive, unappealing, or unworthy of attention is one of the worst condemnations possible in a culture like ours. More than once, I’ve seen a quality lady end up with a questionable guy simply because he was the first one in a while to express desire for her. And vice versa.

Being liked is the currency of our social relationships, seen in everything from the unspoken gravitation toward one person over another at a party to the digitized tokens of attention we exchange on social media. We want to be liked, and we want to get likes.

How can we understand this experience biblically? Let’s collect a few themes from Scripture to help us make sense of it.

1. God Designed Us to be Liked.

Personal dislike between people did not exist in the garden of Eden before the fall. Granted, we never get to see what a whole society of people would have been like trafficking under those beautiful trees.

But if the relationship between Adam and Eve teaches us anything about relationships beyond marriage, it’s that God made people to connect with one another free from the fear of shame and rejection. They were naked and unashamed (Gen. 2:25). But sin’s curse disconnected them, brought in fear and shame, making people aware of what was wrong with themselves and with others (3:7). They were separated from one another as well as from their Creator. We were made to be liked because we were made to connect.

2.Being Liked Means Being Desired.  Being Desired is Part of Belonging.

People are attracted to what they find valuable. The Song of Solomon describes what restored intimacy looks like between husband and wife, and it teaches us a principle of all human relationships: the link between desire and belonging.

This theme is summarized well in 7:10: “I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me.” In other words, a wife is secure in her relationship to her husband because he so clearly expresses desire for her. This principle carries through to human relationships: being liked is a key element of the relational connection we were designed for.

Read More