Don’t hide but walk in the light and confess your sins. Don’t hope in a silver bullet but be prepared to walk the long path of repentance. And, above all, don’t collapse into self-loathing but bring your sins to your wonderful, merciful Savior and receive his words of absolution: “Your sins are forgiven.”

Log in, click, click, click…indulge, delete history, pretend it didn’t happen, burn with shame, promise never again, punish yourself, feel tempted again, despair…log in, click, click, click, indulge, delete history…

The fight against a pornography addiction can be exhausting and overwhelming. In East of Eden, John Steinbeck refers to lust as “that little hell” that we pretend doesn’t exist but that renders us “completely helpless” when we’re caught up in it.

How do you escape that little hell?

Here are three strategies we tend to think help (but don’t) and three we tend to neglect (but really work).

1. Self-Hatred Won’t Help; Grace Will

I became a Christian in high school and carried my porn habit with me like a bucket of slugs. I knew it was gross, but I couldn’t stop. While I hated porn, I hated the part of me that loved it even more. In flurries of self-loathing, I’d take dramatic action. It never lasted. Lava flows of self-hatred eventually cool into numb, cold stone.

Hating yourself in the aftermath of habitual sin feels so right because it feels so close to repentance. But it isn’t. Judas hated himself for his sin, but he didn’t repent. What’s the difference between self-hatred and repentance? Real repentance begins with what the sinful woman in Luke 7 does as she weeps over Jesus’s feet. She’s aware of her sin, so she weeps. But she’s also aware of her Savior, so she brings her tears to him.

Jesus invites any and all—addicts and cowards and creeps—to himself with this promise: If you bring your sins to me, you’ll find free and total forgiveness here. Those who are forgiven much, Jesus tells us, love much (v. 47). The woman’s sins “are many” (v. 47). And so are mine. So are yours. Yet Jesus’s words to the woman are the same he pronounces over anyone who comes with a broken, contrite heart: “Your sins are forgiven” (v. 48).

Self-hatred creates a barrier between you and Jesus because it prevents you from bringing your sins to him. It’s a form of self-salvation, self-atonement. But your only hope of victory over this sin is through the help Jesus offers. Sins you refuse to bring to Jesus for forgiveness are sins that continue to control you.

2. Silver Bullets Won’t Help; Endurance Will

I’ve been helped by an analogy I once read in an article: We often hear that repentance literally means to “turn around.” This makes repentance sound simple, like walking down the street. Just stop and turn around.

But what if, in the analogy, you aren’t walking but riding a bike? Turning around takes a little more time. What if you’re driving a car? That’s even more complicated. What if you’re piloting a supertanker? It may be miles before the ship can even slow to a stop, let alone begin the process of turning around.

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