I used to disdain so much small talk in the church, until a seasoned pastor reminded me that most people have to wade in the shallow end before they’ll try swimming in the deep. Except for the most extroverted among us, getting to know people is challenging. But Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither are friendships. Keep your hand to the relational plow.

I lead our new member’s class at church. It’s a 12-week class, with about half the class spent on the Westminster Confession of Faith, while the other half deals with the ins and outs of Christ Covenant and the basics of Christian discipleship. I always take one week to talk about loving one another as the body of Christ.

My aid for this lesson is Ed Welch’s terrifically practical book Side by Side. I love the book’s two big ideas: We are all needy, and we are all needed. Under that second theme are 11 short chapters (Remember: We Have the Spirit; Move toward and Greet One Another; Have Thoughtful Conversations; See the Good, Enjoy One Another; Walk Together, Tell Stories; Have Compassion during Trouble; Pray During Trouble; Be Alert to Satan’s Devices; Prepare to Talk about Sin; Help Fellow Sinners; Keep the Story in View).

These are great titles by themselves, but in the class I try to summarize each chapter with a short phrase. In turn, these become 11 pithy suggestions for loving one another in the church. I find them helpful. Maybe you will too.

1. Ordinary people, ordinary ways. Loving people can require extraordinary effort, but it doesn’t require extraordinary gifting. Talk to people. Get to know them. Be a good listener. God has given you wisdom. He’s given you his Spirit. Don’t be afraid.

2. Start small and push through the awkwardness. I used to disdain so much small talk in the church, until a seasoned pastor reminded me that most people have to wade in the shallow end before they’ll try swimming in the deep. Except for the most extroverted among us, getting to know people is challenging. But Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither are friendships. Keep your hand to the relational plow.

3. Follow the affections. Facts are important too. But don’t just ask about the test results and the medication and the next doctor’s visit. We must be willing to talk about fears and worries and doubts and joys and hopes and disappointments.

4. See, and let them know you see. “See something, say something” is not just good advice for stopping the bad guys. It’s good advice for pointing out the good in other people. Have you noticed the Spirit’s gifts, or better yet the Spirit’s fruit, in someone else? Write him a note. Tell her what you’re thankful for.

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