Trump’s not even a deeply religious person, but a kind of lapsed Presbyterian. His marriage to Melania isn’t recognized by her own Catholic Church. So he’s not even a prophet. We have no way of knowing if he is (in Protestant terms) “saved,” or (using Catholic language) in a “state of grace.” He’s just a political leader. That’s all. Sorry, people.

Okay, fellow Trumpists, I’ve stumbled on troubling news. Having done due diligence with reliable sources, and gone to God in prayer, I feel a burden on my heart to share it with all of you. Donald Trump is not our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. In fact, he is just a man — all man, not God at all. There’s no hypostatic union of divine and human natures, such as bedeviled Church councils in the third and fourth century.

Nope, not a bit of that. In fact, Trump’s not even a deeply religious person, but a kind of lapsed Presbyterian. His marriage to Melania isn’t recognized by her own Catholic Church. So he’s not even a prophet. We have no way of knowing if he is (in Protestant terms) “saved,” or (using Catholic language) in a “state of grace.”

He’s just a political leader. That’s all. Sorry, people.

I Will Explain This Slowly, in Small Words

Let me give you a few moments to process this bad news, before I go on any further. Please think through its implications. If you want me to, I can explain this information again, using small words and speaking slowly. But then you don’t need me for that. Just go read past issues of Christianity Today, which patiently do so. Or read one of the list of Approved Christian Commentators, who are still on the good side of rich, hawkish neocon foundations in D.C.

Are we all on the same page now? I’ll assume we are. I know it will be wrenching, to take down that life-sized, 24-karat gold-plated statue of Trump from each of our sanctuaries. No more will we smell the sweet incense we used to burn before it, while chanting, “My lord and my God!” We Catholic Trumpists will have to discard the hair clippings and nail filings we obtained from dubious “relics” dealers, supposedly taken from Trump. No more will we count on their power to heal our sciatica and take away our warts.

A Scapegoat, but Not the Lamb

Part of what confused us about the (surprisingly significant) differences between Donald Trump and Jesus was the way Trump became a scapegoat. He was indeed heaped up with all sorts of crimes of which he was innocent. Being a racist — though his long list of black friends attested otherwise, along with prominent black Christian leaders, and millions of voters. Being a dictator — even though his critics were never punished, and he couldn’t even get his own appointees to stop betraying him. Abusing the law — even though it was his friends and allies who kept getting prosecuted falsely.

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