Do you really think you’re the reason for why your family doesn’t believe? I’m not excusing your sin  nor watering it down. It is true that our sin affects others. But, the only reason why someone believes is because the “Holy Spirit enables us to believe in Christ according to the gospel” (WLC 59; Rom. 10:17; 1 Cor. 2:12-16). At the end of the day, the reason above all why they don’t believe is their sinful unbelief (Ezek. 18:20; Heb. 3:12). 

Dear Pastor,

I know I haven’t been the best husband or father in the past. I just feel that the reason my wife and kids don’t believe is because of me. Sometimes—and I know this isn’t theologically correct, but…—it feels as if God can’t save them because of my sin. I am sometimes hounded by thoughts like: “If I just didn’t have those seasons of life. Or, if I was much better by now then my family would believe.” 

Dear Brother,

You’ve heard me say this before but I think it’s worth repeating: “There is no such thing as theology that doesn’t change real life.” The reason I repeat that is because (as you could probably guess) I’m going to give you some theological answers. But, I don’t do so detached from your real life situation. I thoroughly believe that God has revealed doctrine to us for all of “life and godliness” (2 Pet. 1:3). I’m convinced that nothing is more practical than theology. There might be some practical applications that are needed to help you love your family and move forward in wise ways. But, without theology, it is only putting a bandaid over a gaping wound. We need genuine gospel healing and there is no gospel healing unless the gospel is actually unpacked and applied.

Let me start by saying this: You are not alone. I don’t say that to downplay your situation but rather to assure you that other Christians have trod this path before. Paul ministered to situations like yours in 1 Corinthians 7 where one of the spouses came to faith while the other spouse didn’t believe. This is not to negate the fact that we ought to be equally yoked (Deut. 7:3-4). “It is the duty of Christians to marry only in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39; WCF 24.4). Yet, the Bible does not give principles only for a pristine world. It speaks into a world affected by The Fall. Amidst a difficult situation, God has given you the Holy Spirit and He will not only lead you into the truth (Jn. 16:13) but He will also empower you more and more to live by the truth (Rom. 8:13-14; WCF 13).

I think you know this already but let me say it again: Stay faithful to your wife (1 Cor. 7:12). Keep ministering to her (1 Cor. 7:14, 16). Stay focused on the Lord and live the life that He is calling you to (1 Cor. 7:17). This includes not only loving your wife but also your kids in a gospel-driven way. I know you’re doing that but I want to further encourage your conviction in this.

But, where will you receive this strength? It is true, brother, you can’t do this in your own power. Not only were you dead in sin before being born again (Gen. 2:17; Eph. 2:1-3; Rom. 5:12; WCF 6.2) but sin still lingers within in remnant form (Rom. 7:14-24; Gal. 5:16-18; WSC 82). You are still dependent upon the Lord for your growth in grace (Jn. 15:4-6; Rom. 8:4-14; WCF 16.3). Yes—and believe it!—you have died to sin definitively (Rom. 6:6-14). Don’t embrace a defeatist or victim-only mindset. Christ didn’t stay dead!

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